To Have And To Hold
by Goddess Isa
Summary: You all knew I would do it, right?? This is my newest series, entitled To Have And To Hold. Buffy & Angel have just over a month to find the Thousand Eyes and kill it to save their lives, and their happiness, but will it happen?
1. Default Chapter

TITLE: The Sting Of Tears  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: You all knew I would do it, right?? This is my newest series, entitled To Have And To Hold. Buffy & Angel have just over a month to find the Thousand Eyes and kill it to save their lives, and their happiness, but will it happen?  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetangelus.homestead.com and http://planetslaythis.homestead.com   
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows. The title comes from 'It Doesn't Matter' by Alison Krauss & Union Station, though the lyrics will not be featured in this story.   
  
  
  
Buffy was pacing when Angel returned. He paused on the stairs for a moment, just staring at his lover.   
  
She was absolutely beautiful. He loved the way she'd clipped her hair back from her face, showing off just how round her hazel eyes were. She was wearing a long red dress that flattered her every curve, and he blushed just the teensiest bit at the thoughts that spun through his mind while looking at her.   
  
  
He realized he'd never seen her wearing red before, and he thought it was definitely her colour. Red had always been his favorite and he could picture her in a red silk nightgown, the fabric clinging in some places, flowing in others. She'd be lying on his bed and--   
  
"Well?" she asked, snapping him out of his daydream. He realized he'd wasted precious minutes telling her nothing, and that he needed to get on with it already.   
  
"I talked to the Oracles," he began, not knowing how else to start something like this.   
  
"I talked to Willow and Giles."   
  
He was visibly surprised. "Why?"   
  
She went over to the counter and brought back a legal pad full of quickly scrawled names and locations. "Giles and Will did some fast research on the Thousand Eyes for me. What I smashed was actually just a very small part of a huge rock somewhere in Europe. It's around five feet in diameter, and Spike thinks he's seen it. Of course, Spike is drunk ninety percent of the time, but--"   
  
"Spike?" he demanded. "What the Hell are you doing talking to Spike?"   
  
"He's staying with Giles."   
  
"Giles?!" Angel was ultra confused and momentarily forgot about the ticking of the clock.   
  
"It's a long and disgusting story I'd rather not share." she crinkled her nose at the thought of the blonde Brit driving them all insane. "We need to destroy the rock."   
  
"I don't--" Angel started to tell Buffy the truth but she cut him off.   
  
"Your friend Doyle has a really big mouth when he drinks, which according to Cordelia, is every day. Turns out Cordy's mouth is even bigger, surprise, surprise. I know all about the 'End Of Days' thing, that's why I called Giles in the first place. We all found it kind of ironic since Xander drug us to see the film at midnight last week."   
  
"There's a movie?" Angel was more confused than ever now.   
  
"You don't get out enough," Buffy said. "Giles said that we can destroy the Thousand Eyes in time, you'll stay human forever and I won't be killed."   
  
"'In time'," he repeated. "How long do we have?"   
  
"Until New Year's Eve," Buffy said softly. "At midnight."   
  
"Wow."   
  
"That's enough time, right?" she began walking around the room nervously as she talked. "I mean, if we give Spike blood, he'll be strong enough to go look for the rock, and we can send Xander with him 'cause that way, we can be assured they won't kill each other."   
  
Angel smiled as he used one of Buffy's lines. "Be kind, rewind."   
  
She smiled back, touching his cheek. "I like when you talk like me. Long story short, there's a group in Sunnydale called The Initiative. They're human, and they're vampire hunters. They did something to Spike, and he can't bite anyone, which is so amusing!"   
  
"I bet."   
  
"You'll have to hang out with him sometime," Buffy was beaming. "It'll just kill him that you can go out into the sunlight."   
  
"Buffy," Angel glanced at the clock and saw that only an hour remained before he had to give the Oracles a final answer. "I have to tell you something. The Oracles said--"   
  
She grabbed him and kissed him, hard. He got so caught up in the kiss that he almost forgot.   
  
He pulled away, panting, a feeling that he adored. No wonder Buffy enjoyed their kisses so much. Being human definitely made all his senses more acute.   
  
"Look Buffy. The Oracles, they said that--"   
  
"It doesn't matter," Buffy said. "If you don't go back, the future will progress as it is, right?"   
  
"I think so."   
  
"So we find the rock and I smash it or blow it up or throw toothpicks at it, whatever." she rested her hands on his shoulders. "We'll do it, Angel." she leaned against his chest. "We have to."   
  
He held her for the longest time, tears stinging his eyes. "I love you Buffy."   
  
"I love you too."   
  
They held each other for most of the day, in bed, and Angel prayed that they would find the rock and save Buffy's life. He prayed that being selfish wouldn't cost his lover his future. He prayed for their happiness.


	2. Could Have The Life You Do

TITLE: I Could Have The Life You Do  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Part two of To Have & To Hold - Buffy and Angel struggle to deal with what may possibly their last month on this Earth.  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows. The title comes from 'You Could Make A Killing' by Aimee Mann and the lyrics used in this fic are from that song. The song is also in 'Cruel Intentions' and 'The Curve' and it's a beautiful song.  
DEDICATION: For Sandee, who always listens when I talk, and Garnet, who never turns down a B/A fic proposal, even if it's corny.   
  
  
  
//There is nothing that competes with habit  
  
And I know it's neither deep nor tragic  
  
It's simply that you have to have it\\   
  
  
Sundays were usually spent in heavy-duty book mode at Angel's, but since Saturday night had been spent holding and kissing and making love to Buffy, he was sound asleep in his bed. Ever the antsy Slayer, Buffy woke up around ten and crawled out of bed quietly as to not wake Angel. She slipped into one of his velvet shirts and went down the hall into the kitchen. Her stomach was growling and she wondered if he even had any food left.   
  
Buffy wasn't expecting to find Doyle sitting down, drinking coffee. She noticed there was some sort of steel brick holding the table up on one end and that one of the legs was taped on.   
  
"Hi," Buffy sat down across the barely repaired table from him and smirked. "I'm Buffy."   
  
"Doyle. Pleased to meet you."   
  
"We kind of did this yesterday, but--"   
  
"You were busy. As I can tell," he gestured towards the messy apartment and Buffy blushed.   
  
"Six months is a long time."   
  
"As a rule."   
  
"Can I ask you a question?"   
"Of course."   
  
She couldn't help but smile at him. His accent was endearing, and it was easy for her to see why Angel liked him. "You saw me in a vision?"   
  
He sipped his coffee, just a tad of Irish Creme mixed in. "Yes."   
  
"And you knew who I was?"   
  
"Yes, ma'am."   
  
"But we've never met. I mean, this is the first time we've been in the same room, other than yesterday?"   
  
"That's right. Until a week ago, I wasn't even sure what ya looked like. Pretty, if you don't mind my sayin' so."   
  
"I don't." she got up and got her own cup of coffee, then sat back down. She sipped it and made a face. "Decaf."   
  
"Actually it's not. Cordelia just makes really bad coffee."   
  
Buffy pushed the mug away and gave him a small smile. "What really goes on here, Doyle? Angel has this amazing place and the sign says you're investigators, but what's the real deal?"   
  
"Angel helps those who can't get help elsewhere. Kills the demons, the big nasty like I'm told you do back home."   
  
"Right," she nodded. "Angel's just sort of the big hero here?"   
  
"Something like that." he shrugged.   
  
"What should we do?"   
  
"About?"   
  
"I know Angel told you about the Thousand Eyes thing."   
  
"Right."   
  
"My Watcher says if we find it and destroy it, we'll be free. Angel will be human and uncursed, and we can live happily ever after."   
  
"Sounds a bit like a soap opera to me," he got up and dumped his coffee into the sink.   
  
"No, on a soap there are no happy endings."   
  
"I'll help ya out any way I can." he headed for the elevator to go downstairs. "Doyle?"   
  
"Yeah?" he turned to look at her.   
  
"Thank you."   
  
"No problem."   
  
After he closed the elevator door, Buffy opened the fridge and, not surprisingly, found it stocked with food. She took an apple and a bottle of Sunny Delight into the bedroom with her. Angel was still asleep, snoring softly, so she got between the sheets with her breakfast and read through an old poetry book she'd found on his nightstand as she ate.   
  
"Morning," he mumbled awhile later.   
  
She finished her juice and smiled at him. "Morning."   
  
They kissed softly and pulled away just as the phone rang. Angel got out of bed naked and answered it. "Hello."   
  
"Angel."   
  
"Giles." their voices were equally cold.   
  
"May I speak with Buffy?"   
  
"Of course," he handed the phone to her. "Giles."   
  
"Thanks." he started to leave the room. "Where are you going?" she asked.   
"Shower."   
  
"Wait for me?" she asked in a small voice.   
  
He grinned at her and went into the bathroom.   
  
"Hi Giles,"   
  
"Hello Buffy."   
  
"What's wrong with you?"   
  
"Nothing, it's just....when are you coming home, exactly?"   
  
"I hadn't thought about it, why?"   
  
"Well, your mother will be home tomorrow and also, finals start tomorrow and I was assuming that your education does still mean something to you, so--"   
  
"I'll be home later Giles." she said coolly, trying to persuade him to drop the father act. She already had one father who was only around when it was time to yell, she didn't need two. "Where are we on this Thousand Eyes thing?"   
  
"Nowhere, unfortunately. We'll map some searches out when you get back."   
  
"All right," Buffy agreed. "I have to go. Bye."   
  
She hung up the phone and sighed. Then she peeled off the shirt and joined Angel in the shower. The tone of Giles' voice rang in her head though. She knew what he was thinking, and she refused to go there. It was none of his business if she wanted to screw Angel day and night.   
  
  
//So you could make a killing  
  
You could make a killing\\   
  
  
"Angel!" Cordelia entered the office and set her new shopping bags full of clothing from Express on the desk. "Angel!"   
  
A muffled answer told her they were downstairs, so she sighed, gathered her packages and headed for the elevator. If she was going to see Buffy, she may as well take advantage and show off her new dress.   
  
She found the couple eating a pizza on the leather couch. Angel's *leather* couch.   
  
"Hey," she greeted them when they didn't speak first.   
  
"Hola," Buffy said, giggling. "Did you ever watch soap operas in Spanish?" she asked, pointing to the screen.   
  
"They're ridiculous," Angel added.   
  
"You guys have been screwing all day. Gross!" Cordy jumped away from them. "I was going to show you my new clothes but I don't even want to touch anything in here. I mean, Doyle told me about the kitchen table and....eew!"   
  
"You need a boyfriend," Buffy told her. She turned to Angel. "Does she have a boyfriend?"   
  
"She wants Doyle--"   
  
"I do not!"   
  
"And he wants her but I don't know if it'll ever happen."   
  
"Eew! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!" Cordy ran back to the elevator and when she was gone, Buffy stood up.    
  
"Where ya goin'?" Angel asked.   
  
"To pack. My stuff is all over the place." she leaned over and picked up her tank top. "We need to get going."   
  
"What?"   
  
"Giles needs us back in Sunnydale for this whole demon thing."   
  
"Okay."   
  
"And besides, we've got study."   
  
"I have some books here that might help."   
  
"No, not that kind of studying. For my exams."   
  
  
//I wish I was both young and stupid  
  
Then I too could have the fun that you did  
  
Till it was time to pony up what you bid\\   
  
  
"Buffy, I can't."   
  
"You're gonna pretend not to be the book type with me now? You'll never get away with it."   
  
"No, Buffy, I should stay here."   
  
"What?"   
  
"I have a business."   
  
"Angel, do you not remember last night? The whole death by prophecy thing? We have to do this."   
  
"I know, but maybe--"   
  
Buffy grabbed him and kissed his lips.   
  
When they pulled away, she was smiling. "You were saying?"   
  
He growled. "We'll talk on the way."   
  
She grinned. She had him.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Hours later, he started to argue with her again. He'd been thinking about it and he just couldn't change what he knew was going wind up being their destiny.   
  
"We have to be smart about this, Buffy."   
  
"So we should study different books in different places and share information over the phone?"   
  
"There's always email."   
  
Buffy snorted. "You are coming with me."   
  
"I can't."   
  
"Why not?" she demanded.   
  
"I'm not you, Buffy. I know my heart is beating, and I look young, and to you, I'm no different from any other young guy--"   
  
"That's not true Angel," she said softly. "You are so different from every other guy. You're you. You're special, and caring, and loving, and....You're nothing like the others Angel." her mind floated momentarily to Parker. "Nothing like them."   
  
"That's my point. I can't do the things you do, be who you want me to be." he took her hands in his. "I'd do anything to live the perfect life that you have to opportunity to live. Undead or not, I'm still two hundred and forty-four years old, several lifetimes too old for you."   
  
"Age is just a number," she said as she pushed him back, closer to the wall. "You know I'm not going to give in."   
  
He sighed. "I know."   
  
She pressed her body against him and leaned her knee into the wall. "Make love to me?" she asked in a small voice.   
  
Angel growled and grabbed her, tossing her onto the bed. When it began squeaking, Doyle and Cordelia, who were upstairs working, growled.   
  
"Great, more repairs," Doyle muttered.   
  
  
//I could follow you and search the rubble  
  
Or stay right here and save myself some trouble  
  
Or try to keep myself from seeing double\\   
  
  
"What am I doing here?" Angel asked the next morning.   
  
Buffy smirked as she ran into a fire hydrant. "I know I'm a sucky driver, but you know you love being here with me."   
  
"Being with you, yes. Being in the car..."   
  
Buffy laughed and turned the radio on. Angel cringed only a little when she sang aloud with someone she introduced as Jessica Simpson. They pulled into the lot at UC Sunnydale and drove towards Buffy's dorm.   
  
"I'll just change first and then we can go to class."   
  
"We?" he asked, stunned.   
  
"We," she got out and he followed her into the building. "You're part of my everyday life now, Angel. I intend to make you follow me everywhere."   
  
"Everywhere, huh?" he arched an eyebrow. "Even to the shower?"   
  
"We'll talk."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Angel did follow Buffy around all day long. When she went to her psychology class, Riley gawked at them the entire time. Buffy kept hold of Angel's hand and told Professor Walsh he was part of her research project. She also said he was her cousin.   
  
The lowly professor didn't believe her, of course, but she just shrugged and left because she didn't have time for anyone with a pulse. Riley handed her a homework assignment and tried not to glare at Angel.   
  
"So. Cousin, huh? From where?"   
  
"Ireland," Buffy said just as Angel said "LA."   
  
"He travels a lot," she explained, glancing at him.   
  
"Well," Riley refused to meet her eyes. "I'll see you in class."   
  
Angel kept a tight hold on Buffy as they walked away. "Who is that?"   
  
"Riley."   
  
"He likes you."   
  
She made a face. "No way."   
  
"He does. Really."   
  
"Gross," she shivered. "He's like my teacher."   
  
"I'm glad you feel that way."   
  
"How else would I feel?"   
  
They walked outside and Angel looked up, still trying to get used to embracing the sunlight. They bought coffee and croissants and sat down in the quad to eat them with Willow and Xander, who was on a break from the bar.   
  
They were enjoying themselves and avoiding the demon subject at all costs when Buffy spotted him.   
  
He was only a few tables away, talking to some pretty brunette. Her hair was blowing in the wind and her eyes were wet with tears at what Parker was telling her. She looked away from him, disgusted.   
  
"Something wrong?" Angel asked.   
  
"I just spotted a piece of pond scum is all." she pushed her food away, her appetite gone.   
  
"Where?" Xander looked the remainder of her breakfast over.   
  
"She means Parker," Willow said.   
  
Angel followed Buffy's former gaze and saw the rodent. He was walking away from the girl now, blowing her a kiss as he went. Angel's heart stiffened, knowing this had to be the guy Oz had just barely mentioned when he'd visited LA.   
  
"Come'ere," Angel grabbed her hand and pulled her to the center of the quad. He knew everyone could see them, so he pulled her to him and kissed her with intensity. Her hands slid through his hair and he caressed her back, deepening the kiss.   
  
When they pulled away, just as Angel wanted, Parker was standing beside them, glaring at Buffy.   
  
"So this is what it's all about, huh? This is why you never call?"   
  
She smirked. "Sorry Parker. I play with the big boys now."   
  
"Well, I'd be weary if I were you," Parker said to Angel. "She's sort of slow, if you know what I mean."   
  
Angel figured the asshole wasn't worth it, but he punched the idiot anyways, cracking his jaw.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"You were amazing," Buffy said as they walked towards Giles' apartment. "I cannot believe you punched Parker Abrams."   
  
"He deserved it."   
"He did."   
  
"Did he hurt you?" Angel asked softly.   
  
Buffy stopped walking and stood in front of him, putting her arms around his neck and watching his eyes. "He was a creep. He took advantage of me when I was upset and in need of someone to take care of me."   
  
"I am so sorry, Buffy. I should've--"   
  
"Shhhh." she put her finger to his lips. "Don't. That's the past. This is the present."   
  
The door to Giles' place opened and the Watcher stared at them. "I know you're enjoying the illustrious daylight, but we have some serious demonology to research. The others are already here."   
  
"We're coming, Daddy." Buffy joked. "Can we stay up 'till nine if we finish our homework?"   
  
Giles was not amused.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Around four a.m., the Scooby Gang began to conk out. Empty pizza boxes and pop cans were strewn all over the floor of Giles' place along with the remote control, the TV Guide and several old books that smelled like a basement.   
  
Buffy had seen the notes and she knew the outcome. If they didn't find this thing in thirty days, she was a goner. She looked at Angel, sleeping peacefully beside her and knew they were going to have to find this thing and fast.   
  
  
//Or you could make a killing  
  
You could make a killing  
  
You could make a killing\\ 


	3. Turn That Radio Down!

TITLE: Turn That Radio Down!  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Part three of To Have & To Hold - Buffy and Angel struggle to deal with what may possibly their last month on this Earth. It's time to follow Spike's first lead. This is SPIKE, mind you.  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows. I'm not gonna give the disclaimers for the music used in the story until the end of the fic because I don't want anyone knowing what's to come g.   
  
  
  
Buffy hated Professor Walsh. Sure, she respected her for being a strong, intelligent woman despite her bad hair, but other than that, she couldn't stand her. She was rude, heartless and more than anything, she was a bitch.   
  
Buffy had faced many a bitch before, including Cordelia, who was Bitch Queen of the Millennium. Even so, she wasn't looking forward to telling the nasty Professor she wouldn't be in class for a couple of days.   
  
Giles had decided to go with Spike to Canada. They had a lead on the Thousand Eyes and it was possibly panning out. Giles didn't want to investigate any further without Buffy and Angel, so the lovers were going to Nova Scotia that night.   
  
Buffy gulped as class was dismissed. She looked to Willow for encouragement and got a small smile, the best anyone could hope for lately. She waited by the door for Buffy, so the Slayer was forced to get it over with.   
  
"Professor Walsh?" she asked in a small voice.   
  
"What is it, Buffy?"   
  
"My mom's in Chicago and she's really sick. She wants me to come stay with her while she awaits some test results, and I'm going."   
  
The Professor took her glasses off and stared at her student. "You're telling me that you'll be missing classes?"   
  
"For at least the first part of next week. If you want to send me the assignments via email, I can still do them, but I won't be here."   
  
Maggie Walsh sighed. Much as she hated to admit it, she liked this girl. She was smart, wisecracking, wouldn't take crap from anyone. She was a great student with wonderful potential in the field.   
  
Still, she didn't believe in favoritism for anyone. "I'm sorry Buffy. Miss more than one day and you're out of the class."   
  
Buffy shrugged. "It's been an interesting experience." With that, she turned and headed towards the door.   
  
"Miss Summers?" the Professor called.   
  
Buffy turned around.   
  
"Isn't your education important to you at all?"   
  
"Not as important as the people I love."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy handed Angel the last duffel and he tossed it in the back of the truck they'd rented. They were driving to the airport in Sacramento to avoid having a layover on their flight to Nova Scotia. Angel closed the door on the truck's cap and locked it down. He looked at Buffy and nodded towards the front seat of the vehicle, where he would be waiting for her.   
  
"Oh Buffy," Willow threw her arms around her best friend. "Find the damn thing and destroy it, all right? The quicker you do it, the quicker we can stop worrying."   
  
Buffy nodded and pulled away from her. She nodded to Anya and the AmyRat and gave Xander a quick hug before getting into the truck and watching them in the mirror as they pulled away. She turned to Angel, teary-eyed.   
  
"Why do I feel like I'll never see them again?" Buffy asked.   
  
"You're just nervous." Angel put an arm around her. "So am I."   
  
"Tell me that's all it is."   
  
"That's all it is."   
  
"I'm not convinced." Buffy turned the radio on and tried to get into singing along with the boy band singing, but even pop rock couldn't cheer her up. She turned it off and wound up going to sleep on Angel's shoulder.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"I guess Xander did a good job with the ID," Buffy said as she and Angel found their seats on the plane. The clerk hadn't even questioned Angel's identification when he'd showed it to her. Xander's "sleazy friend Lenny" had made it for fifty bucks, and it was definitely worth it. He was more than believable as a twenty-nine year old from Sunnydale.   
  
"Yeah," Angel agreed. When they sat down, he immediately buckled his safety belt and gripped the armrests.   
  
"Angel?" Buffy asked. "Are you all right?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
"If you're all right, why are you so pale?"   
  
"I've just....I've never flown before....and I have a big fear of planes so--"   
  
"Oh honey," Buffy planted a kiss on his cheek. "That's so cute. You'll be fine."   
  
He nodded, but he didn't look convinced.   
  
Buffy just grinned at him. She had a plan.   
  
When they began taxing down the runway, she grabbed his face and kissed him. She kept the kiss up until they were pretty steady in the air. He was gasping for breath, and beaming.   
  
"See?" she pulled out her mirror to repair her lipstick. "You're fine."   
  
"Uh-huh," he muttered, still a bit dazed.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Nova Scotia was beautiful. The way the sunlight reflected off the water and the sound of birds singing was a nice thing to wake up to. Buffy had been so exhausted when she and Angel got to their hotel that they practically fell into the beds without bothering to put pajamas on. Buffy was wearing only her bra and panties and Angel had a pair of black silk boxers on. He'd gotten up first and made coffee in the small machine the room supplied, even though it was nearly noon. They weren't supposed to meet Giles and the moron until four anyways, so he figured they had time to be lazy.   
  
He walked out onto the balcony and sighed as he looked out at the people. Their was a small heated pool with a dome over it and through the plastic, Angel could see the kids playing in the water while their parents watched. He could see the bike trail where a young couple was walking around, holding hands. He wanted to wake Buffy and share all this with her, but then he realized that she was used to seeing the life that goes on during the day and it wouldn't be as big of a deal to her.   
  
He sighed and took his coffee back inside. He sat on the bed next to Buffy and watched her turn in her sleep for awhile. He could tell she was dreaming, but she didn't know about what.   
  
"No," she finally said. "Mom, he is not too old for me."   
  
"Buffy," he said gently. "Wake up."   
  
She opened her eyes and blinked a few times. "You're still here, right? I'm not dreaming."   
  
"You can pinch me," he joked. "Ow!"   
  
"You said to pinch you!"   
  
"I wasn't being serious."   
  
"I guess I thought you were." she shrugged and climbed on top of him, taking the coffee mug out of his hands and setting it down on the floor. "You're not still tired, are you?" she asked in a voice that sounded almost like purring.   
  
"Not at all." he captured her lips with his and Buffy was ready to slide his boxers down when the phone rang.   
  
"Who the Hell could that be?" she demanded.   
  
"Giles?" Angel guessed.   
  
"Shut up." she reached for the phone and snatched it up. "What?" she yelled into it.   
  
"Good afternoon to you too, Buffy."   
  
"You said four o'clock, Giles. Four. It's ten to two."   
  
"Yes, but perhaps we should get an early start."   
  
"And let Spike turn to dust in the sun? There's nothing I'd love more, believe me, but I'll pass."   
  
"But Buffy--"   
  
"No buts. You're not my Watcher, you're not my father, you just my friend who I sometimes admire and right now I'm going to have some fun with my formerly undead, currently human boyfriend. I'll see you at City Hall at four."   
  
She hung up and turned to Angel. "How do you swear in Gaelic?"   
  
"Why?"   
  
"That's one of the few languages Giles doesn't speak."   
  
He only grinned at her before she began using him for his body.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Can't you walk any faster?" Giles demanded.   
  
"I'm not walking. I'm in a bloody wheelchair." Spike snarled.   
  
"Well push yourself faster, then." they made their way through the tunnel they'd been exploring for two days until Giles saw the sewer cover. he intended to get Buffy and Angel down there that way. It had been quite the trip pushing Spike through with his wheelchair, but after a bit of clever maneuvering, he'd fallen right through. Giles had enjoyed watching him squirm once he hit the ground still taped into the chair.   
  
The vampire growled and tried to keep up with the Watcher. Giles pulled a packet of pig's blood out of his pocket and dangled it in front of the vampire. "Stay put or you'll never see this." then he climbed up the ladder and out into the daylight.   
  
Spike growled and began sniffing around for rats. It was better than nothing.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Spike," Buffy said when she jumped through the manhole. "How nice to see you. Only not."   
  
"Well I'm not exactly jumping for joy to see you, Slayer."   
  
"You're not jumping for anything, are you?" Angel asked with a smirk.   
  
Spike tried to lunge his wheelchair at Angel but he slid and wound up falling backwards, splashing his own face with sewer water. Buffy and Angel cracked up but Giles just rolled his eyes.   
  
"Could we please get back to our point for this disgusting trip?" he asked.   
  
"Someone has to set he upright or we'll never find the damn rock." Spike complained.   
  
Though he wasn't very happy about it, Angel helped Spike back into an upright position. "Let's just get this over with."   
  
Spike wheeled around for awhile and then suddenly stopped. "It's up there. I can smell it."   
  
Buffy gave him and odd look and eyed Angel. Though his senses weren't what they used to be, he was pretty sure Spike was bullshitting them.   
  
Giles pulled out some sort of machine and turned it on. It beeped slowly, then faster, than slower again.   
  
"What's with the noise?" Buffy asked.   
  
"It means there's something up there. I don't know what."   
  
"We need to wait until the building is empty to dig through," Angel said. "We could wind up getting arrested otherwise."   
  
Buffy looked at her watch. "I'd think everyone would be gone by six."   
  
"So we have to wait more than an hour? Oh damn," Spike rolled his eyes. "I have a an appointment to get a suntan and now I'll miss it. Tragic."   
  
"You know, if you need any help with that..." Buffy glared at him.   
  
"Let's play nice, children." Giles said. "I think the three of us should go get something to eat to pass the time and we'll return later on."   
  
"Sounds good to me." Buffy and Angel began following the Watcher back to the manhole, ignoring the loud swearing of the British vampire in the wheelchair.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Can't you dig any faster?" Buffy demanded of Angel. She was actually sitting on Spike's lap doing her nails while Angel and Giles did all the digging. They'd been going at it off and on for three days now and had found nothing.   
  
"It's a slow process, Buffy. You need--"   
  
"I think I found something."   
  
Giles stopped his progress and watched Angel. A few moments later, he turned his drill off, took off his mask and began digging with his hands.   
  
"Could you move any slower?" Buffy asked. "I know that it's gonna take eons just to find the entire stone if you're there, but--"   
  
Angel groaned as he pulled his hand out of the hole in the wall.   
  
He was holding what looked like a piece of--   
  
"Amethyst?" Giles asked, picking it up to examine it.   
  
"Keep me away from that shit when it's in your possession." Buffy said. "I don't trust you with it."   
  
"I can't say I blame her," Angel said when Giles looked to him for support.   
  
The Watcher made a face and kept looking at the rock.   
  
"This means your damn senses were off." Buffy punched Spike.   
  
"Buffy," Angel and Giles said in unison.   
  
"Violence never solves anything," Giles said.   
  
"Hit him harder next time." Angel added.   
  
"Your maturity just astounds me." Giles commented.   
"We try."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"You okay?" Angel nudged Buffy. They were on a flight back to Sacramento. In lieu of renting a car, Xander had offered to drive up and pick them up.   
  
"I won't even charge you," he added. How kind of him.   
  
"Yeah," Buffy sipped her juice. "I guess I'm just uneasy because..."   
  
"What?"   
  
"It's nothing."   
  
"Buffy, it's something. What's going on?"   
  
"I sense vamps."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
When the lovers got off the plane, Buffy's suspicions were proved true. The terminal was practically empty since it was four in the morning, and aside from Xander and an elderly woman singing to herself, there were no people waiting to pick those departing the plane up.   
  
The first people off the plane were a pack of vamps, at least ten, maybe fifteen, two of which being flight attendants. Xander jumped at the first sight of them, looking around for anything wooden he could break.   
  
The screams alerted Buffy of what was going on, and Angel began handing her stakes out of her weapons bag.   
  
"I told you that made for good carry-on," she said half-jokingly as she pushed her way through the crowd.   
  
Though it was more difficult than doing it heart-on, Buffy dusted two of the monsters from the back. Their disappearance alerted the others and three came on to attack her. She kicked one of them in the balls and punched another, just missing a blow to her cheek but taking a knee to her chest.   
  
She went down, tired from the trip and everything else, but Angel was right behind her, helping out. Between him and Xander, they took care of three of them and wound up with a broken arm and sprained ankle.   
  
Buffy was able to take just one more of them out before the leader, a skanky redhead, whistled and they all followed her, jumping down a floor via a broken escalator. She helped her men up and she and Angel balanced Xander since he couldn't walk on his own with his ankle.   
  
"I'm glad we have a luggage cart," Buffy said, pushing it with her free hand.   
  
"I have an idea," Xander said with a grin.   
  
Buffy and Angel wound up carrying half their luggage and pushing Xander around on the cart.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Buffy?" Willow asked when she answered the phone. "Where are you?"   
  
"The ER. Xander sprained an ankle and Angel broke his arm. I'm probably gonna be here awhile. Do you think I can drive home without a license?"  
  
"Do you have a valid permit?"   
  
"Define valid."   
  
Willow laughed. "What happened to you guys? And did you find the rock?"   
  
"No, Spike's full of shit. Giles wants to send him and Xander to England next week so who knows where this is going. We're running out of time though."   
"Buffy--"   
  
"Will, today is December sixth. I've got a sinking feeling that we're not gonna find this thing."   
  
"Buffy! Don't say that!"   
  
"I can't help it, Will."   
  
"Yes, you can, and you will. Stop the negative thinking right now, Buffy Anne Summers. You and Angel are gonna conquer this stupid eye thingy and live happily ever after."   
  
"I don't know."   
  
"Yes, you do, and you are. Please don't make me drive all the way to that hospital to hit you. It's five a.m. and I have an eight-thirty class."   
  
Buffy laughed. "All right Will, you win. I'll see you tomorrow."   
  
"Bye Buffy. Take care of the guys."   
  
"I will." she hung up and sighed. Both guys were whacked out on painkillers, so Buffy decided to take a break and sleep in the hall for a bit before going back in to see them.   
  
When she woke up, daylight was shining brightly from the window across from her. She sighed, grabbed her bag and went into Angel's room.  
  
"Hey," he said perkily. "What time is it?"   
  
She looked at her watch. "Like nine-seventeen. Why?"   
  
"Just curious. Time goes by fast when you're flying."   
  
"Yeah, well, the doctors said I can take you home after noon. Xander too." "Oh joy."   
  
"I get to drive."   
  
"Shotgun!" Angel called loudly.   
  
Buffy sighed and sat beside him. It was going to be a long day.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours to go!" Angel and Xander sang loudly.   
  
"I wanna be sedated! Nothing to do nowhere to go!" Xander sang by himself.   
  
"I wanna be sedated!" Angel added.   
  
"Just put me in a wheelchair and point--"   
  
"SHUT UP!" Buffy yelled. "I can't even hear myself think, how do you expect me to drive in this traffic?"   
  
The guys exchanged a sheepish look.   
  
"We're sorry, Mama Buffy." Xander said through giggles.   
  
"We'll try to be good." Angel played with the radio until he tuned in another station. Buffy's head was ready to explode.   
  
"MMM-bop! Digga-da-da-do-bop! Digga-da-da-do-bop! Dooo! Hey-ee-yea!"   
  
"God, help me." Buffy prayed as they drove down the highway.   
  
  
*****   
  
"Oooh, this song rules!" Angel exclaimed.   
  
Buffy had never been more afraid of anything in all her life.   
  
"Turn the radio up!" they sang together. "For that sweet sound! Hold me close, never let me go!"   
  
"Take me over the edge," Xander took a solo.   
  
"Make me lose control." Angel finished.   
  
"I'm getting closer and closer to that point." Buffy muttered. "Angel, how the Hell did you learn the words to this song? It's from like, the 80s."   
  
"Just because I prefer older music doesn't mean I didn't know of the current stuff."   
  
"Oooh!" Xander said. "Look for a disco station."   
  
Buffy was ready to shoot herself when the guys found a station playing a staticy version of 'Shake Your Booty'.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"What on Earth is wrong with them?" Anya asked when she opened the door to Xander's house.   
  
"Funny, you don't look like Mrs. Harris," Buffy mused.   
  
"So tell me what to do now," Xander sang.   
  
"When I want you back!" Angel finished.   
  
"Buffy, what did you do?" Anya held the door open for them to enter and helped Xander off his crutches and onto her shoulder. She led him to the couch and began massaging his back for him, though he was too busy singing another chorus with Angel to notice.   
  
"What did I do? Does it look like we did this? We encountered some lame brain vamps at the airport and the humans couldn't handle it. They're gonna be fine once the painkillers wear off."   
  
"Which is when?" Anya demanded. "I had a full night planned out for Xander and I."   
  
"Please leave me out of the details." Buffy shuddered. "Where are his parents?"   
  
"Uncle Rory won two thousand dollars in a pool at the bar so they went to go celebrate."   
  
"Lemme guess. At the bar?"   
  
"You are correct."   
  
"The bar?" Xander smiled. "I could go to the bar."   
  
"Me too!" Angel said. "How about some whiskey?"    
  
"We could sing!" Xander said.   
  
Then Buffy's greatest fears were fulfilled.   
  
"When IRISH eyes are smiling........"   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Okay, let's see. 'Sedated' is by the Ramones, I think. 'MMMBop' is by Hanson, God help us all. 'I Want You Back' is by *NSYNC, 'Make Me Lose Control' is by Eric Carmen and I am very sorry to admit that I have no idea who sings 'Shake Your Booty' or 'When Irish Eyes Are Smiling'. =)


	4. The Fight Begins

TITLE: The Fight Begins  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: It's the fourth part of 'To Have And To Hold' - WOOHOO Four down - three to go. Four if you count the alternative ending - Buffy and Angel finally find out where the Thousand Eyes is located, but will they be able to destroy it?  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows. The song, 'Rattlesnake' by Live, is only in this 'cause I wanna use at least one song in each fic. I'm odd. =) The name 'Corescant' sort of belongs to George Lucas, if I spelled it right. If not, it's just inspired by him g   
  
  
  
//Let's go hang out in a mall  
  
Or a morgue  
  
A smorgasbord  
  
Let's go hang out in a church  
  
We'll go find Lurch  
  
Then we'll haul ass down through the Abbey  
  
Is it money, is it fame  
  
What's in a name, shame?  
  
Is it money, is it fame   
  
Or were they always this lame?\\   
  
  
Cordelia wasn't enjoying herself. Much.   
  
All right, she was a little. But wasn't this a stupid thing to be doing on a Friday night? Sure, she didn't have much else to do and this was certainly better than walking into the Bronze without a suitable date or going back to her hotel and having Doyle gawk at her. But it was just so....high school.   
  
There weren't even enough of each color to go around, they had to share.   
  
"Right hand, red," Willow called.   
  
The mass of giggles on the map all reached out with their hand, and all promptly fell into a pile of arms, legs and fangs.   
  
"I win!" Xander declared.   
  
"You do not!" Doyle said. "We all fell, so there is no winner."   
  
"I won because I'm not spread out like some..." Cordelia met Buffy's eyes. "There isn't a winner."   
  
"Yes, I won, because I'm on top!" Xander said.   
  
"You can be on top of me anytime." Anya said helpfully.    
  
"Get off of me." Angel said.   
  
"No."   
  
The former vampire licked his teeth. "You know, these are still pretty sharp. Buffy won't mind if it's only a *little* bite..."   
  
Xander got up and Buffy followed, then Cordelia, Angel, Anya and Doyle. Spike was left on the bottom, still spread out like an X.   
  
"Are any of you going to help me out?" he asked. "The chains won't let me move."   
  
"Good," Buffy said.   
  
"Thanks for playing," Willow added, giggling.   
  
The phone rang and everyone looked at each other, none of them too enthused with the idea of going upstairs and answering it.   
  
"I'll do it," Buffy offered. "You guys clean all this shit up." there were peanut shells everywhere from a food fight earlier in the evening. "And Willow?"   
  
"Hmm?" she pretended to be innocent.   
  
"Don't feed Spike."   
  
"I wasn't gonna feed Spike." she mumbled, unable to make eye contact with Buffy.   
  
"Right." The Slayer took the stairs two at a time and arrived in the kitchen on the forth ring. "Hello?"   
  
"Buffy."   
  
"Giles, what is it?"   
  
"Is everyone there?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"We've located the Thousand Eyes."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Everyone was pacing through Giles' living room while he spoke on the phone to an acquaintance at the Council. Buffy was biting her nails and had never realized how truly small the room was before.   
  
Spike was chained to a chair, obviously, and Anya had put a stack of books in his lap so she could lay out on the coffee table. Xander was in the chair across from her, and Willow across from him.   
  
Doyle and Cordy sat at the benches by the kitchen island, both trying desperately not to stare at the other one.   
  
Buffy had Angel beside her on the couch, and he looked as nervous as she felt.   
  
"Very good. Thank you. Yes, to you as well. Good day." Giles hung up and Buffy practically knocked him down.   
  
"What? Where? What?"   
  
"Calm down, Buffy, and I'll tell you."   
  
Buffy took her seat next to Angel and after a powerful glare from Giles, Anya got up and joined them. The Watcher sat on the table and began talking.   
  
"When I was a Watcher in training, I didn't have many friends outside the Council. A woman named Sophia Evans became my closest pal, and we were quite inseparable.   
  
"The year before I was called as Buffy's Watcher, Sophia was brutally murdered by a pack of vamps. Her husband, a powerful warlock who often worked with the Council, took the matter into his own hands and killed all of them, and then some. I would've thought they would've been glad to be rid of them but the Council thought otherwise. They fired Rain--"   
  
"His name is Rain?" Anya asked.   
  
"Yes," Giles didn't see what point it made.   
  
"I think I cursed his brother a couple of years back." she began talking a mile a minute about her boring and scary past.   
  
Giles let her reminisce and went on. "He and I have stayed in touch and he's kept some other contacts with the Council that have proved quite useful in the past. His friend is on a dig in Japan and--"   
  
"The Thousand Eyes is in Japan?" Xander asked.   
  
"Could I finish without an interruption?" Giles demanded.   
  
"Yeah," they all mumbled.   
  
"Thank you! As I was saying, the friend in Japan mentioned to a friend of his that we were looking for the Eyes and this friend, a man by the name of Harry Creed, says he knows where it is."   
  
"Where?" Buffy asked anxiously.   
  
"In Ireland."   
  
"I knew that," Angel stood up and paced the room just a bit. "Galway, right?"   
  
"Yes, how did you--"   
  
"That's where I'm from." Angel's one sentence made it all clear to everyone in the room.   
  
"Oh, boohoo. Oh bloody sad, the poor boy's remembering his home town." Spike joked, bored out of his mind.   
  
Xander reached over and slapped him hard.   
  
"Thank you." everyone in the room said.   
  
"It'll never happen again so I had to do it just this once. You know, when he can't fight back."   
  
"Giles, when do we fight this thing?" Buffy asked.   
  
"I don't have anymore classes until January, so I'm ready when you guys are." Willow added.   
  
"Wait just a minute. I am not going to send a bunch of children--"   
  
Doyle cleared his throat and Giles noticed that the girls were all glaring at him.   
  
"I am not going to send a group of young adults," he said those words carefully. "Into a foreign country to fight some stupid rock. It's absolutely insane."   
  
"No, it's not." Buffy said. "It's what we have to do."   
  
"Buffy's right. Not everything can be about following the rules." Willow said.   
  
They all stared at her in shock.   
  
"Rules are meant to be broken!" she said defensively.   
  
"She's got a point." Xander said. "Can we break the no-taunting-Spike rule?"   
  
"You come near me and I'll--"   
  
"ENOUGH!" Buffy yelled. "This is my fight and I'll call the shots. Willow. Get on the Net and see what you can find out about flights to Galway. Angel. You and Doyle go find some idiot in the alleys and get us all passports."   
  
"I have a real one." Giles said.    
  
"Me too," Willow said quietly.   
  
"Get the rest of us passports."   
  
"Don't forget me," Anya said. "I'm coming because Xander is coming."   
  
"We'll need pictures," Angel said as they headed for the door.   
  
Buffy tossed a copy of their yearbook to him from Giles' desk. "Work it out from there."   
  
He nodded and they left.   
  
"Cordelia, go back to the hotel and get your and Doyle's luggage and bring it back her. Xander, Anya, go pack whatever you might wanna bring. I'll take care of me and Will and meet you all back here in an hour."   
  
"What am I to do?" Giles asked, a bit annoyed.   
  
"Go get some scones," Buffy suggested. "I think I'm getting hungry."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
When the gang met up again, Giles had done more than buy scones. He'd gotten three large submarine sandwiches - one Italian, one vegetarian and one pizza - chips, ice cream and chocolate muffins.  
  
"Nice spread, Giles." Buffy commented.   
  
"I just felt in the mood for what you call 'pigging out'."   
  
"Last meal?" Xander joked.   
  
"I'd like a meal!" Spike yelled.   
  
"You had some blood earlier, it'll have to be enough for you." Buffy said with a shrug. "We're not in the business of helping out vampires."   
  
Angel cleared his throat.   
  
"You're not a vampire!" Buffy yelled. "Not anymore."   
  
"So the flights leave at midnight." Willow said. "We've all told our parents we're staying with each other, so if we get caught--"   
  
"My mom's in Chicago." Buffy said.   
  
"I don't have parents." Anya said. "I'm still not sure if that makes me happy or sad. I mean, I had them once."   
  
"Mine don't care about me anymore." Cordelia added.   
  
"That's not true," Doyle said gently.   
  
She looked at him and smiled, and his entire body warmed.   
  
"I booked us two large rooms in a hotel near the tunnels Giles' friend said to dig through. I'm assuming the Council is paying for everything?"   
  
All eyes on the Watcher, he sighed. "I'm paying for it."   
  
"No, I will," Angel said. "Just tell me when your credit card bill comes, I'll cover it."   
  
"Angel--" Giles began but he silenced him.   
  
"This is for Buffy and I, I'll take care of it."   
  
"But how can you afford--" Doyle clamped a hand over Cordelia's mouth.   
  
"Watch it," Xander warned. "She bites."   
  
"I know." Doyle cringed in memory.   
  
They finished ironing out the details and at Giles' suggestion, spread out to take naps before their flight.   
  
"Who's going to take care of me?" Spike demanded.   
  
"You'll just have to deal." Buffy said with a grin.   
  
"I'll arrange for Michael to bring the blood to you once a day," Willow got up and went for the phone.   
  
"Once." Buffy said flatly before curling up to sleep in Angel's arms.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The flight was long, and the Slayerettes did more moaning and whining than anything else. Only Giles stayed awake the entire time, reading book after book, studying various methods of rock destruction. Willow was intrigued by it but often fell asleep trying to read it.   
  
After going through customs and gathering all their luggage, the gang was pooped. Giles found them a bus and they rode it to the hotel in silence. Arriving at Carriage House, the gang barely spoke to each other while picking up their room cards and dividing into two groups. The couples kissed each other goodbye (Anya copping several feels of Xander's ass) and went up to their rooms. They were connected, but Buffy doubted she'd be sneaking out to see Angel anytime soon.   
  
"Who gets what?" Cordy asked when they entered the rooms. There was a room with two double beds and another room with a futon that didn't look very comfortable.   
  
"I'll take the futon." Anya said as she stripped to her bra and boy-cut panties in front of everyone. She threw blankets out onto the couch-like bed and laid down. Very loud snoring filled the room within seconds.   
  
When the remaining girls moved into the other room, Cordy said "I can't share. I need lost of space."   
  
"I don't mind sharing a bed," Willow said.   
  
"Congrats Cordy, you win." Buffy said.   
  
Her royal Highness didn't bother thanking the others, she just took one of her bags and went into the bathroom.   
  
"There's a dressing screen over there," Willow said. "You or me?"   
  
"I don't even care. We're girls." Buffy unbuttoned her blouse and looked at herself in the mirror for a few moments. In the burgundy tank top and black pants she looked so different. It wasn't much like the usual way she dressed.   
  
"Will?" she asked as she stripped down and pulled her tank top on, shivering. It was colder than she'd expected, so she threw a sweater her mom had stretched out by accident over top and began untying her boots. "Do you think I've changed?"   
  
She came out wearing a long, plaid nightgown with Sylvester on it. "Oh yeah. You're more mature, you're serious about your studies, you--"   
  
"I meant with looks and everything. I mean, is it a good thing? The blouses and tube tops?"   
  
"Oh yeah. I like the way you dress, Buff. I wish I could dress that way."   
  
"There is nothing wrong with how you dress." Buffy said as she crawled into the bed.   
  
"But--"   
  
"There's not," Buffy patted the pillow and laid down, her eyes already closing against her will. "You shouldn't try to change who you are because of Oz."   
  
"How did you know?"   
  
"I'm your best friend."   
  
"'Night Buffy." Willow crawled in beside her.   
  
"'Night Will."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Due to jet lag and the time difference, the Scooby Gang minus Giles slept until the next morning. The Watcher was up quite earlier looking over his books and talking to old friends in the neighboring towns. He didn't realize it, but Angel was awake, he just wasn't talking. He was sitting on the chair he'd chosen to sleep in, thinking about Buffy. About what they could have. The idea of a real future with her was the most amazing thing in the world, but something told him it was never going to happen.   
  
Also heavy on his mind was being back in Ireland. A big part of him didn't want to be there. On the other hand....   
  
There was something magical about being in his homeland. He wanted to show so many things to Buffy. He hoped they got the chance.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"So Giles, how do we vanquish this thing?" Buffy asked when they were sitting around a large table in a restaurant in the basement of the hotel. The food was good, and they were glad to have it, but Buffy had to admit she felt off being there. She thought it was because Angel was so quiet, but it could've been something else. All she wanted was to destroy the damn rock and take her lover home. She pictured them spending a quiet Christmas in his apartment, a small tree in the corner of the living room.   
  
"Oooh, can we blow it up?" Xander asked happily.   
  
"What is this? People think I need to blow up at least one thing up a year to be happy?" Buffy asked.   
  
"What's the procedure, Giles?" Willow wondered.   
  
"We blow it up." he said flatly.   
  
"Cool." Xander smiled.   
  
"This isn't gonna kill a bunch of people, is it?" Anya asked skeptically.   
  
"No," he sipped his tea. "We'll be destroying quite a few vampires though, I assume."   
  
"Fine by me." Buffy said. "Where do we find this thing?"   
  
"It's in the underground lair of a vampire named Corescant. He preys on blondes," Giles noticed Buffy making a face and cleared his throat. "He's an idiot, obviously, and he goes out at night so we should have no problem defeating his guards to set up the explosives."   
  
"Explosives?" Doyle asked. "Can I be in on all this?"   
  
"The more the merrier." Xander said.   
  
"I thought we *were* all in on this." Anya said.   
  
"You are, but--"   
  
"Giles, when?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Tonight. I suggest you all rest up, it could be quite a battle."   
  
"Doyle and I will get the supplies." Angel said.   
  
"Is there any magick involved?" Willow asked hopefully.   
  
"No." Giles said, grateful that he wouldn't have to worry about her being right in the fray.   
  
"When the dynamite's in place, we'll all haul ass out of there. I don't want any of you close to this thing except Angel and I." Buffy said flatly.   
"Buffy--"   
  
She cut her Watcher off, taking charge. "This is our fight. We're grateful for the help, but when it all comes down to it, this is about Angel and I. I'm not letting any of you risk your lives so we can get some."   
  
The Watcher looked extremely uncomfortable as he finished his scrambled eggs.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"I'm too antsy to sleep," Buffy announced when the girls were back in their room.   
  
"We could go shopping," Cordelia said. "I've got Doyle's credit card."   
  
"I'm pretty sure it's maxed out, Cor." Buffy said.   
  
"I'm off to find out." once she was gone, Buffy stared at the other two girls. "Can you guys do anything to help? I mean, I know what Giles said, but..."   
  
"We're gonna do a location spell to try and keep us from trolling through the sewers later." Anya said.   
  
"We'd better go find the stuff." Willow grabbed her bag.   
  
"Raven feathers are pretty uncommon on this side of the globe," Anya mumbled as they left.   
  
Buffy sat alone on the bed for a long time. She tried laying down, but it was just no use. After making sure in the mirror that she still looked presentable in her tank top, boxers and white socks, she knocked on the door connecting to the guys' room.   
  
"Come in," Angel said softly.   
  
Buffy peered her head in the room before entering. It was empty and the door to the larger room was open, making her assume they were alone. She joined him on the bed and sighed against his shoulder.   
  
"Rough day?"   
  
"Rough life, Angel. I'm so scared."   
  
"Me too."   
  
She snuggled against him, enjoying the feel of him, the way he smelled, like a combination of soap and one of those clothesline-scented detergent. "God, I love you." she whispered.   
  
"I feel the same way about you." they began kissing, and Angel was in the process of sliding the straps of her tank top down when a vampire burst through the door to Angel's room, ready to attack.  



	5. The Battle Continues

TITLE: The Battle Continues  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Part Five of 'To Have & To Hold' - this is getting complex, isn't it? =) I'm evil in this part, I'm warning you now.  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (except for Mary and Shannon) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows.   
  
  
  
"Angel, look out!" Buffy shouted as the vampire jumped at him. She immediately took the idiot on, kicking him in the chest, punching his face. He fought back rough and Buffy noticed Angel out of the corner of her eye, hunched over, clutching his arm where the vamp had hit him.   
  
Pissed off now that her man was injured, she caught the vampire off guard and began beating him senseless. She pounded her fists into his undead flesh, wanting him to feel more pain that she usually inflicted. She didn't have a stake, so she grabbed a pencil off the nightstand beside her and drove it into his chest. It was harder to use than a stake, but it served its purpose. The creature beneath her disappeared and she stood up, brushing herself off. Then she flew to Angel.   
  
"This is never gonna work," he told her. "You can't always be protecting me."   
  
"I protect the others, don't I?"   
  
He didn't answer. "Did he hurt you?"   
  
"A little. Do you have any aspirin?"   
  
"No, but I could go get you some from the hotel gift shop if you want."   
  
She walked over to the mirror in the room and used her hands to brush her hair into a fresh ponytail. "It's okay, I'll be fine."   
  
"Where does it hurt?" he asked, coming over beside her.   
  
"Everywhere." she grinned. "Make it feel all better?" she asked in a small voice.   
  
"Buffy...."   
  
She purred and wrapped one leg around his. He knew it would be pointless to resist so he lifted her up and kissed her. He carried her into the other room and was gonna lie her down on the bed when she pulled her lips away. "Wait, wait, wait. Who slept in this bed?"   
  
Angel pondered it for a second. "Let's try your room."   
  
He carried her back into the room she shared with the other girls and laid her on the bed she pointed to. He covered her body with his and Buffy allowed herself to forget all the evil they'd soon be fighting. Her mind became hazy with his kisses, and that was the way she liked it.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
At five p.m., the gang met in the dining room for dinner. After eating, they walked outside and all looked to Giles.   
  
"Oh. Yes. The sewer cover over here will lead us in the right direction."   
  
"We're packing," Doyle said, holding up a large bag of explosives. Angel and Xander also carried the goods in backpacks.   
  
They followed Giles and arrived at their destination within minutes.   
  
"Ugh," Willow held her nose. "It smells."   
  
"Well, duh." Cordy rolled her eyes. "It's a sewer. Tell me I don't have to go in there."   
  
"Of course you do." Anya said. "We all do."   
  
Cordelia began cussing under her breath as Buffy pried the sewer cover off. Tossing it aside, she looked down to make sure the coast was more or less clear. Then she jumped in.   
  
"Ugh, gross." she too began holding her nose. "Come on down. And hold your breath."   
  
The group followed, Cordelia complaining all the way.   
  
The tunnel was bigger than Sunnydale's, but it was also smellier. There weren't any bricks set up for people to walk on the way there had been in the tunnels at home, but it would have to do. They walked single file, Cordelia and Anya occasionally complaining.   
  
Xander grinned at his girlfriend. "I never knew you were such a girly girl."   
  
"I'm not." she said defensively. "Unless you like that. Then I am."   
  
"I like a girly girl." Doyle said to Cordy. "And you are definitely all girl."   
  
"Don't suck up." she snapped. "It's pathetic."   
  
"Ouch," Xander muttered, a small smirk on his lips. He was slightly jealous that Doyle was now the main recipient of Cordelia's insults. However much they stung, they were always important to him. He missed them.   
  
"Wait." Buffy stopped walking and Xander thought the look on her face reminded him of Joey on FRIENDS when he was learning all about "smell the fart acting".   
  
"What do you sense?" Giles asked. Willow was surprised he didn't have a notebook ready to jot things down.   
  
"Vamps. To the left."   
  
They moved according to her spider sense and Angel kept a protective arm around her the entire time. Anya turned to Xander and made a face. "How come you don't put your arm around me like that?"   
  
"'Cause we're walking single file?" he guessed. She punched him in the stomach.   
  
"Um, for no reason at all. Here." he draped his arm gently around her shoulders and she beamed.   
  
"That's better."   
  
"You're not gonna try to dominate me now, are you?" he asked in a small voice.   
  
Cordelia roared with laughter. "All she has to do is speak and you're her little lap dog. She's got you totally whipped."   
  
"I do not!" then he turned to Anya. "Do I jump when you say something to me?"  
  
"No! And if you did, I wouldn't want you."   
  
"Good." he breathed a sigh of relief.   
  
"Well, I'd want you, but then it would only be for sex."   
  
Xander blushed, embarrassed.   
  
"Here," Buffy pointed. "I think I should go in alone, see what the deal is?"   
  
"That's ridiculous, Buffy." Willow said.   
  
"We enter, we attack." Xander said flatly.   
  
"I gotta agree with ya, man." Doyle said in his sweet accent.   
  
"I'm afraid they're right, Buffy. Entering what could be a lair by yourself, it's suicide."   
  
She sighed and looked to Angel. "What do you think?"   
  
Xander and Giles both rolled their eyes. Their opinions meant nothing if Angel was available.   
  
"I think we should go in a group. You, Doyle, Xander, Willow."   
  
"Me?" Xander gulped.   
  
"Why Xander? And why not me?" Anya demanded.   
  
"They've had the most experience in the field." Angel said. "And," though he hated to admit it about Xander, "They're good at hand-to-hand."   
  
"All right," Buffy pulled out a stake and nodded when she saw that the others were armed. "Let's move out. In. Whatever. You guys stay here and wait."   
  
"For what?" Anya asked. "A blood curdling scream?"   
  
"A signal." Angel said. "Buffy, let's make our keyword 'dammit', all right?"   
  
"Yeah. Come on."   
  
The four of them left and Giles looked to Angel. "You didn't volunteer yourself."   
  
"I'm not up to my full fighting strength. I may never be. Buffy can't be looking out for me and fighting to save the world."   
  
"This isn't for the world, not yet."   
  
"It's the world for us."   
  
Giles nodded. Then, he decided to try at conversation with the.......with Angel again. "'Dammit'?" he questioned.   
  
"She never says it." he explained. The Watcher nodded.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The vamps Buffy had sensed turned out to be an elderly, newly turned woman. Xander proudly dusted her while she was still struggling to stand up and then Buffy spotted a door. She reached to open it and then grabbed her pointer finger, sucking on it.   
  
"Dammit!" she yelled.   
  
"That's our move." Angel said and he stayed back to bring up the rear and watch over Cordelia and Anya. They would be strong with Giles in front.   
  
They turned to find a bored Scooby Gang, a yawning Doyle and Buffy still sucking on her finger.   
  
"Buffy?" Angel questioned.   
  
"What are you guys - the word? Man, I didn't mean to use it. I just went to open this door and my nail caught and ripped off. It's bleeding and all sore and gross."   
  
"I'll say," Cordy commented, looking away.   
  
"I guess I didn't realize I was yelling the key word. I'm sorry."   
  
"It's all right. There seems to be no one here."   
  
"I killed him." Xander said proudly.   
  
"I always knew you were strong." Anya wrapped her arms protectively around his waist, not caring that it made it quite hard for him to walk.   
  
"We're moving on," Buffy stated the obvious. "There has to be more where that came from."   
  
"Perhaps not," Giles allowed.   
  
"Well, we can hope." Buffy kept her stake poised and ready.  
  
They turned a corner and were face-to-face with five evil looking vampires.   
  
"Hope harder next time." Cordelia ordered.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Ugh!" Buffy crawled into a bed with Angel in the separate room he decided to rent just for them. It was eight a.m. and they'd battled all sorts of evil all through the wee morning hours. Cordelia was at the hospital with a sprained ankle and Doyle had a nasty cut just above his right eye that had required stitches.   
  
The battle had been long and hard, and futile. It seemed the more they killed, the more appeared. At one point, Buffy dusted three vampires in less than a minute and they just kept coming. Finally, Giles broke out the Holy Water long enough for them to get away.   
  
"Tomorrow, we start with the TNT." Doyle suggested.   
  
"I'm with Demon Boy." Xander agreed   
  
"There's no need to be callin' me that now." he said, annoyed.   
  
"No explosives." Buffy said flatly. "We'll save that for the Eyes. Right now, sleep."   
  
And that was when Angel announced he was getting them a room. Buffy had been wanting to suggest it but never had because she didn't want to say it in front of the others. She'd stopped in the room she shared with the girls to grab her pjs and had let Angel carry her the rest of the way.   
  
Their room was small, cozy. They'd taken a shower together, and after drying each other off, crawled into bed together. Buffy lay with her head on Angel's chest, half-sleeping, talking with him about the future she hoped they could have.   
  
"You wanted five children before?" she asked with a smirk.   
  
"Oh yeah. My parents had five, I thought that was the thing to do."   
  
"What were they? I mean, sisters, brothers?"   
  
"I had two brothers and two sisters. I was the middle child and caught the most hell for it. My brothers were both older, and they were married, working, doing as my parents wanted. I was lazy and I dreamt of more."   
  
"Tell me about your sisters." she said softly. "If you don't mind. I mean, is this..."   
  
"Hard? Yes. Impossible? No. I want to share all these things with you, I've just been looking for the right moment, I guess. Their names were Mary Elizabeth and Shannon Emily. They were both married by the time I was turned. Mary had two babies and Shannon one. I don't even remember their names."   
  
Buffy gently ran her hand through his hair. "That wasn't you, baby. You have to know that."   
  
He nodded. "It's just hard. Realizing the truth...it takes awhile. Becoming human again has given me a lot of time to think."   
  
"About?"   
  
"Us. What you want. What I want."   
  
"One in the same."   
  
"I don't know." he shrugged. "What do you want out of life?"   
  
"You mean like now or long term?"   
  
"What do you think?"   
  
"Just checking. I want you. I want to marry you, spend my days and nights making love to you. I want to have children with you and grow old with you."   
  
"That's all?"   
  
"Okay, and a Mustang convert." she grinned.   
  
"I mean, no career? Don't you want to do something with all those classes you've been taking?"   
  
"You mean failing. I already dropped out, Angel, you know that."   
  
"I know, but--"   
  
"College isn't for everyone. That's Willow's beat, not mine."   
  
"Well, what's yours?"  
  
She grinned. "You." she leaned up to kiss his lips and after awhile, pulled away with a yawn.   
  
"Get some sleep, my goddess." he whispered, kissing her head.   
  
"Your goddess?" she asked. "You've never called me that before."   
  
"And I never will again if it bothers you."   
  
"No, I love it. It's sweet."   
  
He smiled. "I was hoping you'd think so."   
  
"You know me so well." she kissed him once more and then laid on her own pillow, keeping a hand on his chest and she fell into a deep and peaceful sleep.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Angel?" Buffy asked sleepily when she woke up around two.   
  
"Yes, my goddess?" he grinned at her.   
  
"Make love to me?"   
  
"I thought you'd never ask." Angel pulled his lover on top of him and kissed her hungrily. She ran her fingernails over his chest and rested her hands around his neck, wanting to savor every moment with him.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The lovers fell asleep again after their tryst, and Buffy woke up to find Angel grinning at her.   
  
"Morning. Afternoon. Whatever."   
  
His eyes were shining. Angelus stroked her hair and pushed a strand behind her ear before finally kissing her forehead. He pulled back and smiled at the Slayer. "Hello, lover."  



	6. A Break For The Holidays

TITLE: A Break For The Holidays  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Part Six of To Have & To Hold - The Slayerettes are overworked and it's Christmas. Going home is out of the question, but will they even get to celebrate??  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows. The song is by Mariah Carey.   
  
  
  
Buffy grinned. "You know, this role play stuff is fun, but I haven't got time. We've gotta go destroy some demon ass in the sewers."   
  
Angel sat up and yawned. "A Slayer's work is never done. Or is it never fun?" he scratched his head in thought.  
  
"I think both are probably correct." Buffy yawned. "Wanna take a shower?"   
  
"You actually have to ask me that question?"   
  
She gave him an evil grin. "I just like watching you get all excited when you answer."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"You know," Buffy stood back and admired the work Cordelia had done on the room she still somewhat shared with the girls. "It looks nice."   
  
"Duh! And I'm still on crutches!" she said in her defense.   
  
"I've never liked Christmas." Anya said. "No one ever cheated on their wives or girlfriends over the holidays. I never got any work."   
  
"Good." Xander said, slinging an arm around her. "Let's keep it that way."   
  
"I could curb my demonic ways for you," she said playfully. She gently raked her nails over his chest through his wife beater. "Anyone in your room?"   
  
"Empty."   
  
They ran through the doors in a mass of giggles.   
  
"God, get a room." Cordelia said, shaking her head. Buffy and Willow shrugged to each other.   
  
"All right," Giles came in with a paper cup Buffy assumed contained coffee.   
  
"'All right' what?" Buffy wondered.   
  
"We won't have a problem keeping the hotel. Doyle and Angel are downstairs getting some lunch. They said you were all sick of the hotel food so they're getting Taco Bell and McDonald's."   
  
"Fine Irish cuisine," Cordy remarked.   
  
"What about the holidays?" Buffy asked. "See? Tree? Lights? Party! Gifts! It's Christmas tomorrow, Giles!"   
  
"Yes, it is, but we are here to fight a war and so far, all we've done is drastically rid the vampire population."   
  
"I don't think so." Willow said. "They're rapidly procreating."   
  
Everyone stared at her.   
  
"You come up with a better word for it. This isn't like normal vamp development. You can tell these are newbies, they have no technique, I mean, Xander's getting nightly kills."   
  
"On his behalf, I say 'hey'." Buffy smiled.   
  
"Duly noted," Willow smiled back. "I just think we need to look deeper into this." at the worried looks of her friends, she looked at the Watcher and added, "On the twenty-sixth."   
  
"I don't think we can afford to delay the war any longer. We only have a week left and--"   
  
"We've been here a week and we're more than tired of it." Buffy said. "We want out. Now. Just for two days. Forty-eight hours. If you can't give us that--"   
  
"I didn't say I was or wasn't going to give you anything." Giles said, a bit put off.   
  
"Good. I like presents." Cordelia said.   
  
"I simply meant that as the head of this trip--"   
  
"The head of this trip?" Buffy asked. "Who's running things here?" no one answered here. "Cordelia."   
  
She looked up from filing her nails. "What?"   
  
"Who's running this battle? Me or Giles?"  
  
"That's sort of a toss up."   
  
"Will?"   
  
"I don't wanna take a side. Can't I just stay neutral, you know, like Switzerland?"   
  
Buffy smirked at her and turned to Giles. "We'll ask the guys when they get here, but *I'm* in charge and I say we celebrate Christmas."   
  
"Woohoo!" Cordelia said happily as she uncapped a nail polish and began to touch up.   
  
"Lord, that smells awful." Giles said. "I think I'll go in the other room where my nostrils won't be burned."   
  
"Oh, you can't!" Willow said just before he went for the doorknob.   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"People. Are in there." she said quickly.   
  
"Interesting. Why are they in my room?" he yawned.   
  
"It's Xander and Anya. They're screwing." Cordelia said flatly.   
  
After he got over the initial shock, Giles shivered for no apparent reason. "Perhaps I'll go into the lobby and rest there, then."   
  
"Bye Giles." Buffy said.   
  
Thirty minutes after he left, the guys returned with the food. Buffy knocked on the door and yelled to the Phantom Fuckers but didn't do anymore than that. They could get their own lunch for all the Slayer cared. The girls had heard their screams, giggles and the crack of the bed breaking so they were all on edge. And disgusted.   
  
"Ooh, food." Anya said when she entered the room wearing one of Xander's flannel shirts and nothing else.   
  
"Yo quiero Taco Bell," he said as he sat down and grabbed a Nachos Bell Grande.   
  
"You know, I know Giles isn't here, but when he gets back, we should really draw names." Willow said.   
  
"For what?" Xander asked.   
  
"Secret Santas." Buffy said.   
  
"Those are so tacky." Cordelia commented.   
  
"It's either that or no gifts at all." Buffy pointed out.   
  
"I could write the names down." Cordy offered.   
  
"No, you can't, because then you'll make sure Doyle gets you."   
  
She stuck her tongue out at the Slayer. "Whatever. What's the spending limit?"   
  
"Twenty US," Buffy said. "Have the front desk figure it out for you."   
  
"Or you could ask me." Angel said with a smirk.   
  
"Either one." Buffy took a bite of her Chalupa. "These aren't as good as the commercial says they are."   
  
"I think they're great." Xander said.   
  
Buffy handed it over and reached for a bag of fries from Mickey D's. "Hey, I guess I dropped the Chalupa, huh?"   
  
Everyone groaned.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Now we've done Secret Santas before." Willow said as she passed around the hat to draw names. "You can't throw back unless you get your own name and you have to show everyone and prove that you really did get your own name before you can draw a second time. You *have* to buy for the person you draw." she glared at Cordelia.   
  
"What?" she stopped painting her nails to complain. "Why are you looking at me?"   
  
"Because last year you got Oz and you only bought presents for Xander and Giles." Buffy said with a smirk.   
  
"I, um, well--"   
  
"I'm last," Willow picked up the piece of paper then frowned. "Everyone has to draw again." she complained.   
  
"Why?" Angel asked amongst the groans from everyone else.   
  
"Cordelia got her own name and didn't tell and now I drew mine. It's not fair unless we all draw again."   
  
They grumbled about it but they all tossed their slips of paper back. Buffy pouted the biggest.   
  
"I had Angel," she said softly to Willow as she handed her paper over.   
  
"Sorry." she shrugged. When she gathered all the slips and mixed them again, she went around the room, going to Cordelia dead last.   
  
The brunette grimaced when she drew.   
  
"You *have* to buy a gift, Cordelia." Xander told her. "It doesn't matter who you drew."   
  
She swore at him in French and went into the bathroom.   
  
"I didn't know she spoke Irish!" Xander said cheerfully. "I'm impressed!"   
  
  
*****   
  
  
On Christmas Eve, the hotel threw its own Christmas party in the ball room downstairs. The gang attended, agreeing to exchange their Secret Santa gifts at midnight before going to sleep. Buffy didn't know or care what everyone else was doing on Christmas Day, but Angel said he had something special planned.   
  
"Merry Holidays to ya all," the DJ said in his thick accent as couples danced around the small room. "We'll be takin' requests all evening so come up here and request somethin' for yer lady love."   
  
"I'll be right back," Buffy said, giving Angel a kiss before leaving his side.   
  
"Who's your lady love?" Xander asked.   
  
"I hope it's not me." Anya threw a potato chip in her mouth. "I'm not into that stuff anymore."   
  
Xander arched an eyebrow. "You used to like that stuff? Tell me about it."   
  
"Oh, *now* you want to hear stories of my past."   
  
Buffy came back to Angel with a huge grin. "The next song is ours," she whispered. She led him to the center of the dance floor and they began to sway to the slow music. The song segued into a faster one and Buffy grinned at him. He wasn't familiar with the pop tune, and he was totally surprised when she began singing the lyrics. Loudly. To him.   
  
  
//I don't want a lot for Christmas  
  
There is just one thing I need  
  
I don't care about presents  
  
Underneath the Christmas tree  
  
I just want you for my own  
  
More than you can ever know  
  
Make my wish come true  
  
All I want for Christmas  
  
Is you    
  
  
I don't want a lot for Christmas  
  
There is just one thing I need  
  
I don't care about presents  
  
Underneath the Christmas tree   
  
I don't need to hang my stocking  
  
There upon the fireplace   
  
Santa Claus won't make me happy  
  
With a toy on Christmas Day  
  
I just want you for my own   
  
More than you could ever know  
  
Make my wish come true  
  
Baby all I want for Christmas   
  
Is you   
  
  
I won't ask for much this Christmas  
  
I won't even wish for snow  
  
I'm just gonna keep on waiting  
  
Underneath the mistletoe   
  
I won't make a list and send it  
  
To the North Pole for Saint Nick  
  
I won't even stay awake to    
  
Hear those magic reindeer click  
  
'Cause I just want you here tonight  
  
Holding on to me so tight  
  
What more can I do?  
  
Baby all I want for Christmas   
  
Is you   
  
  
All the lights are shining  
  
So brightly everywhere  
  
And the sounds of children's laughter  
  
Fills the air  
  
And everyone is singing!   
  
I hear those sleigh bells ringing  
  
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need  
  
Won't you please bring my baby to me   
  
I don't want a lot this Christmas  
  
This is all I'm asking for  
  
I just want to see my baby  
  
Standing right outside my door  
  
Oh I just want him for my own  
  
More than you could ever know  
  
Make my wish come true  
  
Baby, all I want for Christmas is you\\   
  
  
Angel kissed his lover as the song ended. He'd never really heard her sing like that before and she was quite good. He held her close as they danced through the next few numbers and then they separated to eat with the others.   
  
The party flew by and before she knew it, Buffy was upstairs with the girls getting her present wrapped.   
  
"Who'd you get?" she asked Anya.   
  
"Can't tell you. Who'd you get?"   
  
"Xander," she held a piece of ribbon between her teeth.   
  
"Xander? Ugh, that is not fair. Willow, how about you?"   
  
"You guys, these are supposed to be *secret*."   
  
"So?" Buffy asked.   
  
"I got Angel," Willow admitted.   
  
"Tell me what you got him," Buffy said excitedly.   
  
"I can't tell you. You'll see eventually."   
  
Buffy shrugged and opened the door when someone knocked. The guys came in and settled around the room.   
  
"Cordelia!" Buffy knocked on the bathroom door. "Cordy, we're exchanging the gifts!"   
  
The brunette came out looking flushed and tired. "I think I've got food poisoning," she admitted quietly. "I'm gonna go to bed. I got Anya and your gift is on the floor over there." she waved her goodbyes and went into the other room.   
  
"I had you, Buffy." she handed her the present. "Don't open it until you and Angel are alone."   
  
"Thanks," Buffy smirked as Anya pulled a beautiful red scarf out of the box Cordy had had professionally gift wrapped. "I had you Xander. I hope you like it."   
  
He tore into the gift before handing his over. "Wow! A Weird Al Yankovic boxed set! Thanks, Buffy!"   
  
He turned to Doyle and grunted. "I didn't want your name, but I got it, so here. Merry Christmas."   
  
"Thanks for the warm opening," Doyle said dryly. He smiled when he pulled out a big leather wallet. "This is really nice."  
  
"I figured you'd need it with Cordelia around." Xander smirked.   
  
"How right you are," Doyle said. "And speaking of Cordelia, I had her name. I guess I'll be givin' it to her later on then."   
  
"A ring?" Xander demanded when he saw him toss the velvet box aside.   
  
"Earrings," Doyle replied with a smirk.   
  
"Why do you care, Xander?" Anya asked, a bit jealous.   
  
He grabbed her and kissed her, washing away all her doubt.   
  
"I guess I'll go," Angel offered Giles his gift. "Merry Christmas."   
  
"And to you." the Watcher tore off the paper to reveal a leather bound journal full of scrolls and scrawled writing.   
  
"It belonged to Angelus," Angel explained. "I think it now belongs in the hands of a great Watcher."   
  
"I'm no longer with the Council, I'm afraid." Giles said. "Perhaps it belongs with them."   
  
"It belongs with you." Angel said firmly.   
  
He nodded and handed Willow a present. "I suppose you can assume what this is."   
  
She nodded and beamed when she saw the new spellbook. She kissed Giles on the cheek and tossed Angel his gift before becoming engrossed in the book. "Only open the small one," she muttered before studying location spells.   
  
Angel opened it and found a book of poetry. Willow had written a message inside the first page.   
  
"Angel - don't let anything stop you from achieving the happiness you deserve with Buffy. Even if we give you a hard time, just ignore it. You guys should be together and I can't stand seeing her miserable without her. Marry my best friend and get her the Hell out of here where she'll be safe, all right? You're a good guy, Angel, and I'm glad we're friends. Love, Willow."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy and Angel enjoyed their holiday together immensely. They spent it in bed in their room, making love and playing with their gifts from Anya and Willow. Anya had gotten Buffy a large assortment of glow in the dark condoms and a set of silk scarves that had a tag attached: "If you don't know what these are for, you shouldn't be screwing such a prized piece." Willow had given Angel a pair of boxers that said "Pull down in case of emergency." Not surprisingly, Buffy had several emergencies that day.   



	7. The End Is Near

TITLE: The End Is Near  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Part Seven of To Have & To Hold - Buffy and Angel get to the Thousand Eyes - Now what???  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows.   
  
  
  
"Ugh!" Cordelia struggled to get into her jeans. "This is so unfair!"   
  
"Spending the holidays in Ireland sucks, huh?" Buffy asked. "You miss your family?"   
  
"Hell no!! I'm missing the sales! I'll bet there were some amazing markdowns in LA."   
  
Buffy shook her head and left the room.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
That night, the gang met up in the dining room as they usually did. After dinner, they went back into the sewers, killed vamp after vamp. Willow and Xander were getting exhausted, and Doyle had escorted Cordelia back home hours ago because she was throwing up all over the place.   
  
"Take them home," Buffy told Giles. "All of you, go back to the hotel. Angel and I will do the best we can until we pass out or get killed, whichever comes first."  
  
"Buffy," Willow said warningly. "Don't talk like that."   
  
"Sorry Will, I've just kind of had it."   
  
"Understandable," Xander yawned. "But don't give up on us."   
  
She smiled at him. "Never happen."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Buffy, are you tired?"   
  
"No, why?"   
  
"You just tried to dust a rock."   
  
She blinked a few times and looked at Angel. "Sorry. I'm a bit of the looney."   
  
"I'd better get you back. I don't wanna something to happen."   
  
Buffy looked straight ahead and saw them coming. "Something has already happened."   
  
Angel was instantly on the defensive and although these vamps were better trained than the ones they'd been fighting, they were still lame in technique, even for an exhausted Slayer. She fell to her knees after killing the last one, struggling to catch her breath.   
  
Angel rushed to her side. "Are you all right?"   
  
"Just tired."   
  
"I honestly didn't think we worked that hard tonight, Buffy. Are you really okay?"   
  
She arched an eyebrow at him. "Don't you remember how hard we worked yesterday?"   
  
He blushed, a sight Buffy wasn't sure she'd ever seen before. She liked it.   
  
"Come on," he lifted her up, though it wasn't as easy as it used to be. "Let's go back to our room."   
  
"Can we make love?" she asked sleepily.   
  
"Maybe in the morning, when you wake up."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
But Buffy didn't wake up in the morning. She woke up around two-thirty and found Angel eating a pizza and reading a book. After she ate, he told her that Doyle had taken Cordelia to a clinic because she was still sick and that the others were resting up for another night of War With The Vampires.   
  
"So then," she grinned at him. "We've got some free time."   
  
"Oh, I don't know. I really wanted to finish the Geisha's memoirs."   
  
She pulled him to her by the collar of his shirt and tossed the book away. "Ask Willow later."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
The days passed with Buffy and Angel doing the same things. Every night they killed more and more vampires, and every night they just kept coming. Buffy felt discouraged. She was no closer to finding the Thousand Eyes than she had been when she'd arrived and tomorrow was New Year's Eve.   
  
"This is some Millennium celebration," she muttered as they fought a pack of newbies at the entrance to the sewer. This was the first time they'd made it out, and Buffy realized why. They were waiting to see if Cordelia felt any better so they'd come patrolling a half an hour later. It dawned on her that they must've disturbed the hunters every night as they went out looking for meals. She grinned, knowing she must've saved a lot of lives in the week she'd been there. She hoped and prayed she would kill the master so there would be no feeding after she left.   
  
If she left.   
  
She shivered at that thought, but it was a very real possibility. If they didn't find and destroy the Thousand Eyes they were probably all goners, but especially her and Angel. She had no doubts about it and she knew there was no easy answer to her question of how to stop it. All she knew was that it had to be tonight and it had to be fast.   
  
"Buffy, help!" Willow said. One of them had gotten her in a coveted position and was ready to sink his teeth - literally - into her.   
  
"Angel, a little assistance!" Buffy yelled as she sprinted for the vampire. In an instant, he was dust and Angel was catching Willow so she wouldn't fall three feet to the ground.   
  
"Thanks," she brushed herself off. "I think that's all of them."   
  
"None got away?" Giles asked as he scrawled some notes Buffy was sure he would rewrite later.   
  
"None that we saw," Xander said.   
  
"Good," Buffy headed for the manhole. "Let's go."   
  
Not surprisingly, there was no pack when the entered the sewer. Not that it mattered, because there were three packs just a little ways in. They made quick work of them - one burst just from the crucifix around Buffy's neck - and moved in. The further in, the more Buffy felt the presence of something evil.   
  
"Stop," she said, trying to figure out where the demon was located.   
  
"What?" Xander asked.   
  
"Give me the TNT," Buffy said. "I think we've got something."   
  
"You're not going in alone," Angel said firmly. "I'm coming with you."   
  
"We all are," Willow said. "We're in this together, right guys?"   
  
"Right," Xander said.   
  
"Of course," Giles agreed.   
  
"Well...." Anya had to think it over.   
  
"No," Buffy said just as firmly as Angel had spoken. "This is *our* battle, my battle." she looked at all of her friends. "Not yours. I know friendship is a powerful thing, but the bond only goes so far. I'm not willing to let the three--"   
  
Anya cleared her throat loudly.   
  
"I'm not willing to let the three of you die for me." Buffy continued. "Give us the dynamite and go back to the hotel. If we don't make it back," she paused to hug each of them, Willow the longest, Giles the tightest, "I love you."   
  
Giles and Xander handed the bags to her and Angel. Willow began to sob. Anya voiced that she was hungry.   
  
"Go," Buffy said, her senses flaring. "Go now."   
  
Giles nodded and led the others out, tears wetting his eyes as he did so.   
  
"I love you, Buffy," he whispered as he walked away. She never heard him, but she already knew.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Are you sure you really felt what you thought you felt?" Angel asked as they kicked a vamp's ass. "I mean, you said--"   
  
"I know what I said. So my directional is a little off. I'll have to buy a new battery." her voice was emotionless and her fighting was sloppy. Angel finished him off and stared at her.   
  
"Are you really all right, Buffy?"   
  
"I have to be." she readjusted the bag she was holding. "Let's keep going."   
  
They moved on, killing an occasional vamp, nothing big.   
  
Then they arrived at their destination. Buffy peeked over a corner of the stone wall, not wanting to be seen if she could help it. The room was large, and many vampires were marching around the alter in a row. The alter, she saw, was circular and held a large red stone that could only be the Thousand Eyes.   
  
An evil looking creature hovered around it, muttering something as a female vamp trailed him, holding up his long hair.   
  
"Corescant," Buffy whispered.   
  
"You see him?" Angel asked.   
  
"Unfortunately."   
  
"Well, what do we do?" Angel asked.   
  
Buffy paled. "I thought you had a plan."   
  
"Why didn't you ask Xander? Wasn't he your Key Guy last time?"  
  
"Oh God, are you gonna get all jealous on me now?" she whined.   
  
"No, but we should probably come up with something and go with it."   
  
She sighed. "All right, I'll sneak in and cause a diversion, and then you can come in without being noticed and start kicking some demon ass."   
  
"All right," Angel agreed.   
  
Buffy entered the lair and threw her bags down with a *thud*.  
  
"Sorry," she said with fake sheepishness. "Was I interrupting something?"   
  
"Don't just stand there!" Corescant ordered. "Kill her!"   
  
Just then, Angel was supposed to enter silently. And he did enter.   
  
He also tripped over one of Buffy's weaponry bags and fell flat on his face.   



	8. A Time To Live

TITLE: A Time To Live  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Part Eight of To Have & To Hold - The End of Days is here - the battle is over - did we win?!?!  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope.   
SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows. 'Thank God I've Found You' is by Mariah Carey, 98Degrees & Joe. The song may change in the future, but for now, this is what it is. The opening song is 'The World Is Not Enough' is by Garbage (Shirley Manson RULES!!) and is from (duh) the James Bond flick The World Is Not Enough. RIP, Desmond Askew. =( Try to imagine the song playing as you read the first five or so pages of this fic. If you can, play the song. It really adds a lot.   
  
  
  
//I know how to hurt  
  
I know how to heal  
  
I know what to show  
  
And what to conceal   
  
  
I know when to talk  
  
And I know when touch  
  
No one ever died from wanting too much   
  
  
The world is not enough  
  
But it is such a perfect place for us  
  
My love  
  
And if you're strong enough  
  
Together we can take the world apart  
  
My love   
  
  
People like us  
  
Know how to survive  
  
There's no point in living  
  
If we can't feel alive   
  
  
We know when to kiss  
  
And we know when to kill  
  
If we can't have it all  
  
Then nobody will   
  
  
The world is not enough  
  
But it is such a perfect place for us  
  
My love  
  
And if you're strong enough  
  
Together we can take the world apart  
  
My love   
  
  
I feel safe  
  
I feel scared  
  
I feel ready  
  
And yet unprepared   
  
The world is not enough  
  
No nowhere near enough  
  
The world is not enough\\   
  
  
Buffy and Angel ignored the stupid demon in front of them and began taking on the pack of lame vampires coming at them. Like the ones they'd destroyed earlier, they were weak. Buffy couldn't figure out if Willow's cloning assumption had been right, but either way, she was infuriated that one of them slit the leg of her new jeans.   
  
Angel heard her whine in annoyance and said, "I'll buy you a new pair, I promise."   
  
"You'd better," she said between ducking punches from a female vamp just begging her to be staked.   
  
Corescant was not happy. From his alter not far from the Dynamic Duo, he growled and stomped his foot.   
  
"Kill them!" he shouted. "Protect me! Protect my diamond!"   
  
"I've got news for you!" Buffy hurled a knife at the Thousand Eyes and a piece chipped off, making the entire stone glow. "It's not a diamond."   
  
Angel managed to finish off the rest of the vampires so Buffy could have a staring competition with the Corescant. For a demon as big and ugly as he was, he was in no hurry to jump down to the fight.   
  
"I'll kill you," he threatened.   
  
She shrugged. "You're all talk."   
  
"You foolish girl!! You think you can treat me like that?"   
  
"I think I can kill you."   
  
"I'll tear you to bits!" he said in an unconvincing voice.   
  
"Come and get me," she teased. "I'm ready for you, pal."   
  
"Slayer." he muttered, sickened. "I should have known."   
  
"Met your match?" she asked with a smirk.   
  
He jumped down and attacked her. They tumbled together on the ground and Angel jumped on top of them, trying to get Buffy free. Instead, he wound up a third on the giant human rolling log.   
  
"Angel!" Buffy yelled. "In the bag! Quick!"   
  
The vampire rolled off of Corescant and went to her bag. He dug out a stake, waited for Buffy to roll the ugly demon on top and drove the stake home.   
  
"No dust," he said, scratching his head.   
  
"Not a vampire!" she yelled as she rolled on top of him and kneed him to the groin. "Try something else. Quickly, please!"   
  
Angel dug through her tote and this time he found a large blade. He knew Giles had trained her with it but he figured he could get by on what he knew.   
  
"Now!" she managed to get her knees up to her chest and push the demon off of her with her feet. Corescant rolled a few feet away and Angel brought the blade down on his neck, slicing his head from his body.   
  
His head rolled a few feet away and shriveled up but didn't turn to dust. The body did the same thing, and a black ooze came from beneath it.   
  
"What the Hell is that?" Buffy asked.   
  
"I don't wanna know." he looked at her, panting for breath. "We gotta destroy the Eyes."   
  
It was still growing and it freaked the Hell out of Buffy.   
  
"It's almost midnight!" she declared when she glanced at her watch. "How is that possible?"   
  
"Sometimes, in demon dimensions, time moves either slower or quicker than normal. There's no explanation for it."   
  
"Oh, and there is one for the smelly black gunk filling the floor of this place?"   
  
"We've gotta think of something fast." Angel threw a glance to the bags of TNT. "What should we do?"   
  
"Help me." she threw a bag of the dynamite over her shoulder and Angel did the same. He helped her climb and jump to an area closer to the Eyes that was free of the funky black stuff and finally she was on the alter.   
  
They worked together, covering the Eyes in dynamite. It didn't take long, and when they were finished, you could hardly see the red glow from underneath the red sticks that would either save or destroy their lives.   
  
"How much time do we have?" Angel asked.   
  
"Eleven minutes." Buffy said.   
  
"How far can the master detonator reach?"   
  
"Maybe seventy feet."   
  
"That's not gonna be enough," he said barely loud enough for her to hear."   
  
"I know," she came over and put her arms around him. They wasted three minutes hugging, then Buffy had an idea.   
  
"The timer!" she said suddenly. "It won't set it all off at once, but part of the explosion should ignite the other, right?"   
  
"Maybe," he was thinking about it but she was already pulling him towards the door.   
  
"Angel, this is our only hope." she grabbed the remote in her hand and set it for twelve a.m. exactly. She didn't know what kind of time control the Eyes itself might already be on, so she decided not to chance giving herself and Angel more time to get the Hell out of there.   
  
"Angel, we have to go. Now." she tugged on his arm and he followed her back through the careful steps they'd taken to get where they were in the first place.   
  
Buffy held her breath as they ran through the tunnels. They were just climbing out of the manhole when the Eyes blew up. It shook the ground and eventually the fire spread and ignited the wall beside the manhole they were using to escape. Buffy and Angel were thrown several feet apart from each other, landing possibly to their deaths on the hard cement.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"I cannot believe this." Willow said, her voice unsure of its emotion. "I cannot believe we're here."   
  
"Me neither," Xander said.   
  
"Total shock." Oz commented. He'd flown in from who-knew-where just for this one day, then he was going back. He and Willow had not spoken one word to each other and both knew it was better that way.   
  
"I look horrible in black," Anya decided after studying her reflection for a moment. "Does anyone else think I look bad in black?"   
  
"Nor can I," Giles agreed with the others, ignoring the former demon who was a slightly unwanted member of their group. "Where are the others?"   
  
"They're coming," Willow said, fiddling with one of her bracelets. "Cordy was still getting dressed last time I called."   
  
Xander checked himself out in the small mirror. "I guess this suit isn't *too* tight."   
  
"It's a tuxedo," Giles said.   
  
"And these shoes make my feet look wide," Anya went on.   
  
"They are wide, honey," Xander said gently. "Ow!" he rubbed his head after she smacked him with her purse. "Why did you do that?"  
  
"Because I could." she smiled proudly.   
  
"Can you guys believe Angel's going to be in a church?" Willow asked. "A church. I know, under the circumstances, I mean, you're in church, but it's just so not Angel."   
  
"I don't think any of us expected to be attending today's ceremony anytime soon." Giles said as he adjusted his tie.   
  
"That's an understatement," Xander said, a sick feeling rising in his stomach.   
  
"Guys?" Buffy opened the door and stepped out into the larger room in her wedding gown. "How do I look?"   
  
"Beautiful," Willow said.   
  
"Breathtaking," Xander said softly. It earned him another slap from Anya's handbag.   
  
"Giles?" Buffy asked, most awaiting his answer.   
  
"You look like an angel," he whispered.   
  
She did. Her hair was swept back loosely with a few curls framing her face. A glittery veil was attached to the back of her hairdo and she'd yet to pull the netting over her face for her descent down the aisle.   
  
Her dress was one Cordelia found for her at a local but expensive boutique, and it was a perfect fit. The bodice was white and corseted, the skirt big and full, made of white taffeta and tiny pale pink glitter was scattered here and there.   
  
"I guess we should get out there," Buffy said. "Where are Cordelia and Doyle?"   
  
"Right here," he said as they ran into the room, both panting. Cordelia's gown was wrinkled and Doyle's leather jacket was halfway off his shoulder. The gang smirked at them and waited while they pulled themselves together.   
  
Xander offered Anya his hand and they walked down the aisle first.   
  
Cordelia and Doyle went next. Only Spike, the Amy-Rat and now Oz sat in the pews of the church. Joyce had been invited to the emergency ceremony and had declined to come. Buffy was thrilled.   
  
Willow came next, wearing a gown that had the same bodice as Anya and Cordelia's did except the skirt was full instead of straight. She smiled at Xander and Angel, never having seen the former vampire so happy before.   
  
The music changed and they all looked to the front of the church where an extremely nervous Buffy stood with Giles.   
  
"I can't believe I'm so nervous," she said as they made their way towards the alter. "I love Angel, and I can't wait to be his wife. *Why* am I so nervous?"   
  
"It's only natural," Giles said calmly. "I'm very proud of you."   
  
"Thank you," she looked at him and added with a smile, "Dad."   
  
She'd never seen Giles smile so honestly or proudly in the years she'd known him.   
  
In the middle of the wedding, Buffy told Angel she had a surprise for him. She stepped over to where the pianist sat and took a microphone from him. She smiled at Angel and began to sing when she was ready.   
  
  
//I would give up everything   
  
Before I separate myself from you   
  
After so much suffering   
  
I've finally found the honest truth   
  
I was all by myself for the longest time   
  
So cold inside   
  
And the hurt from my heart   
  
It would not subside   
  
I felt like dying   
  
Until you saved my life   
  
  
Thank God I found you   
  
I was lost without you   
  
My every wish   
  
And every dream   
  
Somehow became reality   
  
With you   
  
The sunlight made my whole life complete   
  
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude   
  
Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you\\   
  
  
Buffy's voice wasn't quite right for the song, and since she was crying, her voice had broken more than once, but Angel thought it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard. He only wished he'd thought to sing to her.   
  
  
//I will give you everything   
  
There's nothing in this world I want but you   
  
To insure your happiness    
  
I'll cherish every part of you   
  
Cause without you beside me   
  
I can't survive   
  
If you're keeping me warm each and every night   
  
I'll be all right   
  
Cause I need you in my life   
  
See I was   
  
So desolate before you came to me   
  
Looking back   
  
I guess it insures that we were destined to shine   
  
Over the rain   
  
To appreciate   
  
The gift of what we have   
  
And I'd go through it all over again   
  
To be able to feel this way   
  
  
Thank God I found you   
  
I was lost without you   
  
My every wish   
  
And every dream   
  
Somehow became reality   
  
With you   
  
The sunlight made my whole life complete   
  
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude   
  
Cause baby I'm so thankful I found you\\   
  
  
Buffy fell into Angel's embrace and then they were able to stand side-by-side and finish the New Year's Day nuptials.   
  
"What's next?" Xander asked when they walked out of the church.   
  
"We're going to a cottage Angel found for us a few hundred miles away." Buffy smiled. Then she hugged each of her friends, except for Spike, who she just smiled at. "I'll be back in Los Angeles in a week or two. I'll call you guys then."   
  
She turned and ran down the steps of the large church, the skirt of her gown swinging as she moved.   
  
She turned and waved at them as the limo pulled away, and Willow feared Buffy would never return to Sunnydale, California again.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
She was only half right. Buffy moved to LA and they turned his apartment building into a beautiful home, letting Cordy and Doyle have the top two floors for their "strange and horny" relationship. She never visited Sunnydale, and she had absolutely nothing to do with her mother.   
  
Everyone was gathered at Buffy's and Angel's a year later on New Year's Eve when they all got a surprise for the Millennium.   
  
Buffy's water broke.   
  
"It's okay, it's okay," she said as her friends began rushing around. "Really, I'm not even having contractions yet."   
  
As soon as Buffy finished that sentence, she had a contraction.   
  
Angel ran around, finding keys and her suitcase and directing people to do things that weren't in any way helping Buffy. Twenty-three minutes later, she had another contraction.   
  
"Let's go." she said flatly. "NOW."   
  
"Geez, Buffy," Cordelia said. "You'd think you were the first pregnant woman there ever was!"   
  
"I'd like to see you pregnant at all, Cordelia." Buffy said coldly. "LET ALONE with four babies at once."   
  
"Breathe, sweetie," Angel said gently. He lifted her up and they began going out the door.  
  
"While we're on the subject," Giles said, as he followed with Buffy's luggage. "Did we ever figure out how this happened?"   
  
"Oh, Giles, if you don't know how this happens by now..." Xander said with a smirk.   
  
"Can you possibly not breathe on me?" Buffy yelled at Doyle as he crowded into the middle with Giles and Xander. Cordy and Willow were in the back with her. "You smell like pina coladas."   
  
"Nah, he just smells like rum," Cordy said. "He always smells like that!"   
  
"Angel!" Buffy yelled. "I'm having another one."   
  
"It's only been ten minutes!" Willow said.    
  
"Twelve," Giles corrected her.   
  
"Angel, I could've walked to the hospital faster!"   
  
"Breathe, honey," he said as gently as possible. "Just breathe."   
  
"What do you think I'm doing?" she asked through clenched teeth. "I'd like to see any of you carry four babies almost full term."   
  
"So, Buffy, did you guys choose the names?" Willow asked, trying to distract her.   
  
"Three girls, one boy. Not telling, either. Oh shit, big contraction."   
  
Willow and Cordelia let her squeeze their hands and tried to talk her through it.   
  
"You gettin' all this down, G-Man?" Xander asked. "It could be you this time next year."   
  
"Good God, I hope not." he wiped his brow.   
  
"Don't you and Olivia want children?" Anya asked, nosy as ever.   
  
"Yes, but perhaps we should get through the June wedding and then worry about a family."   
  
Angel turned off the main road and swerved into the hospital parking lot like a maniac. He knocked over some sort of sign as he screeched the breaks to stop at the ER doors.   
  
While Giles set off to park the van properly, Angel carried Buffy into the hospital, her friends trailing close behind.   
  
"Let's take her to curtain three," a nurse said as she took Buffy's blood pressure.   
  
"No," she said firmly. "I wanna go straight to obstetrics. There is no way I'm having this baby in the ER."   
  
Knowing most pregnant women meant business, the nurse nodded and wheeled Buffy to the elevator.   
  
"We'll be in the next one up," Willow said as the doors closed and Buffy disappeared.   
  
"This is so strange," Cordy said.   
  
"You mean Buffy becoming a mother?" Xander asked. "It's wonderful, but it's like whoa."   
  
"Yer whole life changes when you become a parent," Doyle said as though he'd had experience in the field. Cordy raised an eyebrow but, surprisingly, kept her mouth shut.   
  
"I mean, she's *our* age," Willow said. "Pretty amazing when you think about it.   
  
"Yeah," Xander and Cordy and Doyle nodded.   
  
"I'm hungry," Anya announced.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy took Angel's hand in the elevator and didn't let go of it until she was being helped onto the hospital bed.   
  
The nurse that had brought her up disappeared and another one who had anything but a nice personality began hooking Buffy up to fetal monitors and taking her vitals. Angel paced nervously and that wasn't helping Buffy any.   
  
"When can I have an epidural?" Buffy asked. "And do I get four, because I'm having four babies?"   
  
As the nurse laughed in an evil way, Buffy noticed her name tag read 'Maggie'. "Only one, sorry. And the anesthesiologist won't be in for another thirty minutes or so."   
  
"That long?" Buffy demanded. "What if I have to push?"   
  
"Relax. You're barely at four centimeters. I wouldn't be rushing too much, you've got at least another ninety minutes to go." Maggie left, laughing all the way.   
  
"I hate that woman," Buffy announced. "I'll bet she's never been pregnant and has no children. She probably hates children."   
  
"I have four," she said as she entered the room again, this time with an IV. "Give me your arm."   
  
"Did you have all four at once?" Buffy snapped. "At nineteen?"   
  
"Give me your arm." she repeated.   
  
Buffy shook her head and leaned away from her. "No way. I'm not into needles."   
  
"You need--"   
  
"Is it absolutely necessary for the baby?" Angel asked. "She's deathly afraid of needles."   
  
Maggie smirked and Angel wished her could flash her his game face. Those days were behind him now, but, he decided, being a vampire had had that one good point.   
  
Well, he thought as his stomach churned, two. Vamps don't get nauseous as a rule.   
  
"Could we get another nurse?" Buffy asked with false sweetness. "It's nothing personal, I just don't like you."   
  
Angel had to hide his smirk when Maggie stalked off.   
  
"Thank God," Buffy muttered.   
  
"You are too much," Angel kissed her gently. "I love you." he leaned down to her large belly and touched it gently. "And I love you," he kissed it once. "And you," he kissed her belly again. "And you," kiss, "And you." Kiss.   
  
"Oh, here we go," Buffy stared into Angel's eyes and squeezed his hand until the pain subsided. She smiled at him. "Sorry, honey. Did I break it?"   
  
"Not yet," he shook it out and smiled back.   
  
"I'm sorry. When the kids are--"   
  
"Hel-lo!" Dr. Brighton said as she entered. "Someone's in a hurry to have the first quadruplets of the new Millennium, I see."   
  
"I am, so how soon?" Buffy asked anxiously.   
  
Dr. Brighton touched her belly and smiled. "I'd say another hour or so."   
  
"Oh, lucky me." Buffy made a face. "Where do we stand on drugs?"   
  
The doctor smiled. "Dr. Kent's running a bit late, but he'll be here soon, and after he's been here, you'll start feeling much better."   
  
"Soon?" Buffy repeated. "Like five minutes?"   
  
"Or, twenty," she smiled. "I'll be back to check on you in a little while."   
  
"Angel," Buffy said after her next contraction. "Promise me something."   
  
"Anything."   
  
"No matter what happens, I will not have a C-section."   
  
"Of course not," Angel kissed her hand. "You're gonna have these babies, just like we learned in class."   
  
"Not just like that," she said warily. "I want all the drugs they can give me."   
  
Angel just nodded and smiled at her.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"I WANT A C-SECTION!" Buffy screamed. It was twenty minutes later and Dr. Kent still hadn't shown up. Not only were the contractions getting a bit longer now, the time between them was shorter. Buffy was not amused.   
  
"Please, Angel," Buffy pled with him, pulling at his shirt. "Make them knock me out. Make the pain go away. Can't I just wake up and find four beautiful babies waiting for me to feed them? Not breast feed though, 'cause *four* babies? Even I'm not that strong."   
  
"Want me to go see if Willow wants to come in for a second?" he asked, nearing the door. He hated to admit it, but he needed a break. As soon as he was in the hall though, he felt guilty. Buffy was the one in labor, in pain. Sighing, he went back in and listened to her scream first to have a C-section, and then not to.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Buffy wasn't quite sure what all had happened after she'd gotten the drugs. Her legs had become numb and there was a tube in her bladder which didn't thrill her. The good thing was that she no longer felt the pain of her contractions. The bad thing was that the babies were kicking like mad and she was tired and hungry.   
  
"She's completely dilated," someone said, Buffy wasn't sure who.   
  
"Buffy," Dr. Brighton said. "You ready to push?"   
  
"I guess," she grabbed Angel's hand as tightly as she could and pushed.   
  
And pushed, and pushed, and pushed.   
  
"She's out!" Angel said happily when he saw his baby girl for the first time.   
  
"Is she okay?" Buffy asked, concerned.   
  
"She's fine," Dr. Brighton said. "She's healthy and beautiful."   
  
Buffy and Angel exchanged a kiss and she was taking deep breaths, waiting for the moment when she'd have to push the next child out.   
  
She became worried when she saw Dr. Brighton talking quietly with another doctor on the other side of the room.   
  
"Is something wrong?" Angel asked.   
  
"Go find out," Buffy pushed him.   
  
Knowing he was butting in, he walked over and whispered with them, making Buffy more and more nervous. He returned to her side and took her hand in his, kissing it.   
  
"Buffy," he said gently. "One of the babies is in trouble."   
  
"What's wrong?"   
  
"Her heart rate is dropping and the doctors think it would be best to do a C-section."   
  
"No," she turned to the doctors. "No, I don't wanna have a C-section."   
  
"You don't really have a choice," one of the doctors Buffy didn't know said tersely.   
  
"Angel, I..." Buffy didn't know what to do and she was on the verge of tears.   
  
"Mrs. Summers," one of the other doctors took a step closer to her. "I can assure you that I wouldn't suggest this to someone so young if I didn't think it was absolutely necessary."   
  
Buffy sighed. She liked Dr. Brighton and she trusted her judgment. Dr. Spencer, the specialist she'd brought in, seemed nice enough. It was the two she didn't know that she suspected. She was just concerned about the birth of her children and who was going to be in charge of it.   
  
"Can I think on it a minute?" she asked.   
  
"Sixty seconds," Dr. Brighton said.   
  
"That's all you have to spare," the rude male doctor said. The four of them went into the hall and closed the door.   
  
"I'm scared, Angel," Buffy whispered.   
  
"You're gonna be fine."   
  
"Am I? And are they? God, I love them so much and they're not even here yet."   
  
"I know. Me too. And they're going to be fine."   
  
"How can you be sure?"   
  
"I just can."   
  
"But why couldn't they just be born normally like Anissa was?" she asked, tears slipping down her cheeks.   
  
"Sometimes God just has another plan." he kissed her forehead. "I'll go tell the doctors we're gonna go through with it?" he waited for her to nod and then he left her for only a second, but it felt like forever.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Well?" Willow asked when Angel came out into the waiting room around three a.m. He was wearing scrubs and he looked exhausted. "Well?" she repeated. "They're all okay, right?"   
  
"They're fine, they're fine. The babies are in the nursery so Buffy can get some rest but you guys can visit them now if you want. They're all in front of the window in a row."   
  
"What are their names?" Giles asked.   
  
Angel grinned. "You'll see."   
  
He returned to his wife and the gang moved like a pack towards the small nursery window.   
  
Just as Angel had said, in a line by the window were four babies with dark hair and bright hazel eyes.   
  
"Anissa Francis Kathleen," Doyle read aloud. "You don't think Francis is after me, do ya?"   
  
"It just might be," Xander said. "I don't think they picked Becky Elise Cordelia because it all went together so nicely."   
  
"It does!" Cordy said defensively. "Besides, Christopher Giles Alexander doesn't go together all that well."   
  
"I think it's quite lovely," Giles said. "I mean, it's very....I like that name a lot."   
  
"Deanna Faith Willow," the redhead smiled. "That's sweet."   
  
"What about me?" Anya asked.   
  
"You don't count," Cordy smiled sweetly.   
  
The two of them would've gotten into fist fight right then and there had Angel not come out to tell Giles that Buffy wanted to see him.   
  
He found her looking pale and exhausted, but still beaming. "Did you see them?" she said. "Aren't they beautiful?"   
  
"They're perfect, Buffy. Just like their mother."   
  
"Oh come on, I look like Hell right now."   
  
"That was very sweet of you to name Christopher after me. You didn't have to do that, you know."   
  
"Yes," she said with a smile. "I did."   
  
"Do you plan on phoning your mother and telling her?"   
  
"I thought you might want to do it." she smiled weakly. "I'm afraid to, but I'd really like her to be here."   
  
"I'll call her at once."   
  
"Thanks Giles."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Three years later   
  
"Anissa!" Buffy yelled. "Quit pulling Becky's hair. Christopher, I don't want to have to tell you again not to scuff your shoes on the cement flooring."   
  
Willow looked at the Slayer trying to manage her four children in nice clothing and laughed. "They're a handful, aren't they?"   
  
"Yeah, sure you wanna go through with having yours?"   
  
Willow patted her six-months-along stomach. "I think I can handle it. And just think. If Anya hadn't been so pissed that you left her name out when you named the kids, she might never have left."   
  
"See?" she giggled. "I'm always playing Matchmaker."   
  
"Where is the bride?" Cordy asked. "My shoes hurt."   
  
Buffy knocked on the dressing room door and peeked her head in. "Mom? You ready?"   
  
"Not really," Joyce admitted.   
  
"Your suit looks beautiful," Buffy said. "And your hair, too."   
  
"You're just saying that because I'm your mother."   
  
"I'm saying it because it's true."   
  
Joyce smiled. "Are you really happy about this, Buffy? I want you to be okay with this."   
  
"Why wouldn't I be okay with you marrying my father?"   
  
  
*****   
  
  
Twenty minutes later, when Buffy walked down the aisle in a pale blue dress as her mother's maid of honor, she caught the groom's eyes and smiled at him. She'd never seen Giles look more handsome, or more happy  
  
  
THE END!! IT'S OVER  
  
(claps, bows, breathes a sigh of relief)  
  
The sad ending is Chapter Nine, if you wanna go there :)


	9. A Time To Die

TITLE: A Time To Die  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: Part Nine - sort of - of To Have & To Hold - An alternate, angsty ending to the series. Know that the last ending is the real one, this is just something I had to write to keep myself sane and on the verge of tears at any given moment g  
SPOILER: Basically, this hints on ALL the Buffy & ANGEL eppys so far, because there will be some flashbacks during the series, I hope. SPECIFICALLY Pangs & I Will Remember You though.  
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) This will be at both my pages of course - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com and http://planetangelus.homestead.com  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-14t  
DISCLAIMER: In case you didn't know, all the characters I'll mention (probably) belong to David Greenwalt and Joss Whedon. I am SO furious at the both of them right now, I cannot even tell you. This stuff also belongs to all the writers that have ever written for both shows. 'One Sweet Day' is by Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men. 'The World Is Not Enough' is by Garbage.   
  
  
  
Closing down the agency had been the hardest thing for Cordelia and Doyle to do, but there really wasn't any way for them to run it without Angel. And besides, the office held too many memories for both of them. Willow and Xander had helped them move into Angel's old Sunnydale mansion and now, the three of them sat waiting for Doyle to return home from work. Returning to teaching was a dream come true for the demon, but his wife wasn't any too thrilled with being stuck home in bed or on the couch for the final two months of her pregnancy.   
  
Willow heard the car pull up and smiled at Cordy. "Doyle's home."   
  
Cordelia smiled, a rarity for her nowadays. "Can one of you go get some pizza after he comes in?"   
  
"Sure," Xander said. "What do you want on it?"   
  
"Get everything, but have it all put in little containers except for the pineapple."   
  
Xander nodded and smirked at Willow.   
  
"Cordelia," Doyle said softly when he entered. She was clutching a pillow as she laid out on the couch and she still wore the faraway look in her eyes. She'd had it ever since Angel and Buffy had died.   
  
"Cordelia, listen to me." Doyle sat by her feet and placed them on her lap. "The doctor called me today at work. He said your blood pressure was a bit escalated again."   
  
She shrugged. "I feel all right."   
  
"You've got to snap out of this funk, honey. You can't just sit here and cry all day, it's not good for you or for the baby."   
  
"I didn't cry all day," she said with a slight bit of enthusiasm.   
  
"It's true," Xander said. "I only saw her cry twice."   
  
"When *NSYNC sang 'God Must've Spent' and when Marlena cried on Days." Willow supplied.   
  
"I brought you something," Doyle handed her a book. "I thought it might cheer you up."   
  
"A book of baby names?" she asked.   
  
"I thought we could pick something out together."   
  
"I don't need a book," Cordy said seriously. "Boy or girl, the baby will be named Angel."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Look," Buffy said as she floated above Willow and Xander. "They're bonding."   
  
"Babies tend to bring people together," Angel mused.   
  
"Not always. And besides, it's not even their baby."   
  
"Allie's pretty cute though, isn't she?" Angel asked.   
  
Buffy nodded. "I still cannot believe Cordelia named her Allyson Angel."   
  
"It sounds better than Angel Allyson."   
  
"True, but....it just surprises me, that's all."   
  
"Sometimes things just happen for a reason."   
  
Buffy put an arm around her eternal partner and smiled at him. "Sometimes."


End file.
